So a few of may have noticed that my blog was down a little while ago. Why? Because Google is a dick.
First off, when I first started fiddling around with Blogger, everything was going fine. It was a beautiful honeymoon. That is until Google showed up to the party. Google was constantly barging in on our beautiful relationship demanding that I integrate every account ever with them like a drunk alcoholic roommate. Presumably so they could own my entire Internet experience.
I had already completely given up my Youtube account because of this shit.
Because I don't need the rest of my Internet experience to know that I like to watch fat people falling off Segways. I want the internet to remain anonymous. All that terrible, terrible horror that comes with it. And Google is not letting me.
So you can imagine my surprise when my blog disappeared.
After the initial WTFsweetjesusholymotherofhellmotherfuckers. I went to Bloggers help page. Which was not very helpful. It told me to log into my account and make sure I didn't accidentally delete my own blog. I think that it something I would remember doing, but, okay. Also, if the blog is gone, how can I log into it? Okay.
So I go to pull up my blog account when I am treated to a message saying that suspicious things have been happening to my account.
Look, unless the dog had learned to type, the only suspicious things to have happened to my account is that I have been logging in at like 4am. Oh wait, what's this? The only way to fix it, the only was to unsuspicious my account is to give them my phone number.
Except they don't know my phone number, so if I was trying to break into this account, I could use any phone number, anywhere and Google would never know the difference.
Security my ass.
It wasn't like they wanted to send my an email, LIKE EVERY OTHER MOTHERFUCKING SECURITY PAGE IN THE WORLD. Oh no. Challenge questions? Nope. Facebook has better security then this. Facebook.
And there was no way around it. There was no other option. I had to give Google my phone number if I ever wanted to see my blog again.
So I did it.
And now I am getting texts about winning a free ipod.
I swear to god Google, I am going to punch you in your stupid fucking face.
You asshole motherfucker.