Also known as the day where Holly's
optimism about being prepared is shattered like a cheap china mug on
a tile floor. Upon waking from what I can only describe as terror
sleep we staggard outside when we heard the generator die out to
discover two things.
1. We had almost two feet of heavy ass
snow that was as wet as the goddamn ocean.
2. Every branch ever had fallen down.
There were two large branches on top of one of our sheds, a branch on
the deck, and our yard looked like what I would picture happening if
the trees had a world war against each other and forgot to tell us it
was happening.
However the real fun began when we
hiked to the end of the driveway and saw this.
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| Pictured: The end of our driveway and the death of optimism about life. |
Also we discovered that the road, you
know, the road that we live on that takes us to work and town and
stuff was completely blocked by trees. Here is what it is supposed to
look like:
And here is the horrible aftermath.
 |
| Fuck. |
 |
| Super Fuck. |
It was about then that we discovered
that the road was sort of a moot point anyway because the cell tower
was down and no one was coming to help in an emergency anyway. At
this point we may have become a little concerned. Just a smidgen. A
tad.
Well the first point of business was to
start clearing the road. Except that we needed to save every last bit
of gas for the generator, so that meant using hand tools.
Specifically, an ax, clippers and the two man saw. I would like to
sum up that experience with the following picture.
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| Yeah. Never again. |
But we goddamned did it. We hacked and
cut and drug the branches to the side of the road and cursed and
struggled to pull them out of the deep heavy snow while the snow
soaked into our clothes and made us wet and cold and raw until at
last the road before our own place was clear and we could at least
have gotten the truck out of the damn driveway. Flushed with victory
we returned home only to discover that the blowers on the wood stove
had stopped working.
Oh shit.
Which meant we had to shut down the
wood stove RIGHT NOW or it would overheat and possibly set fire to
all of our shit. Our only other option other then freezing to death
was to turn on backup propane heater in the living room. You know,
the heater that we may not have had enough propane for that we had
never quite figured out how to work. Yeah. That heater. Let's just
say that we figured it out right quick. With the propane heater going
and the trailer at a balmy 55 degrees it was time to make some food,
drink Holly's traditional winter drink (vodka coco) and sleep the
sleep of the bitter and tired.
Did I say sleep?
Ha ha. What I really meant was to lie
awake on the floor in front of the propane heater in our sleeping
bags and pray we had enough propane to last the night. The fun. It
just never stops.
At this junction I have to point out
that I thoroughly believe that mankind was never meant to sleep on
the floor because oh my god sweet Jesus. It felt like someone
was trying to disassemble my body with gravity.
It was terrible is what I am trying to
say.
On the plus side, we didn't die, so
there's that.
There is at least that.
Right?
Not dying is always a plus.
ReplyDeleteIf I had one wish, it would be for you to have everything be done without you having to do the work of an army and to have a day to sit in a hot tub with a pitcher of Vodka coco. Or something equally nice?
That sounds great.
Deleteholy geeze. I super admire your "welp that sucks but let's get crackin'" attitude. Somewhere around when the road was blocked I'm pretty sure I would have been all "welp, time to curl up in a ball and wait for death then."
ReplyDeleteOh I wanted to, but there was the whole they won't turn my power back on and I won't have internet if they can't drive up my street thing.
Delete