So a few days ago it was finally warm
and dry enough to till the garden. So Scott got the tiller out and
gave it a tune up and then it wouldn't start. So he spent most of the
day fighting with it and fabricating parts and swearing and doing
arcane things to the engine. Finally he gave up and dosed the thing
in carburetor
cleaner and then for some reason it started right up. As long as
nobody touched the choke.
Well, since victory was his he went and
tilled the garden. Which meant that the next morning I was up and
about and determined to get the newspaper cover down as soon as
possible before the weeds had a chance to recover. Otherwise the
garden turns back into a meadow and gives us the finger.
And nobody wants that.
So I gathered all the tools I would
need, and of course a fuck ton of newspaper, and put down exactly
four sheets. I know it was four sheets because on the fifth sheet my
back went GERNT. Or something of the sort.
Then I had an adventure standing back
up. And by 'adventure' I mean 'I had thrown my back out somewhat.'
And by 'somewhat' and I mean 'thank the dear sweet lord baby Jesus I
can stand up.' So I drug myself into the house and told Scott he was
on his own now.
So the rest of the day I tried to help
out. Although it was the kind of help that does not involve bending
down, or kneeling or being that helpful. It was mostly a dull ache,
up until I moved the wrong way and then my back would be all, OMG
WTF FUCK FUCK FUCK ARRRGGGHHHHH FUCK WHAT DID YOU DO?
ADFKSDHSHKHDSFHFDSH! And I would be all like, I DON'T KNOW I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!
So that was fun.
Then I tried to fix it by getting
drunk, but that super didn't work at work at all ever because I
realized that falling face first into bed means that once the alcohol
wears off there will be white hot pokers in your spine for ever and
ever. Then the next morning I learned that sleeping on your stomach
is the worst position ever for back pain. And by morning I mean 1am
because there ain't no sleeping after that shit.
Luckily after a few days of not going
to work or making money or getting shit done I feel a lot better.
Yesterday was the first day that I could walk around and feed the
pets and so forth without involuntarily yelling a whole bunch of
random words like HUAAGH and AUUUGGHH and HOOOOAAAAYY.
Which is a big improvement really.
Today my back is very stiff but at
least I can type things again. Also I am super thankful that I only
got stuck on the floor once. Ha ha it's the little things. Also you
know what's kinda cold? The floor. Also kinda dirty, but I have been
unable to vacuum it due to horrible pain. Except today I probably
could of but fuck it I am on vacation.
A pain vacation.
Pros: Great excuse for trying to read
the entire internet.
Cons: Excruciating pain.
Eh, all in all I wouldn't recommend
it. Just an FYI there.
I hope that you're feeling better, back pains suck!
ReplyDeleteI put mine out one time (more than once, but hospital bad once) and ended up in the hospital from it. I was down for well over a week. Got to watch every single Star Trek movie that you could rent on VHS. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Your comment made me laugh so hard.
DeleteI hate throwing my back out (and I've done it sneezing and once just walking around a corner). You think the first day is agony, but then on the second day that evil pain says - you ain't seen nothin yet. Let me show you how bad it can be... And you try not to move for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteOh, ze back pain. Almost as painful as the knowledge that a chiropractor could fix that right up. If you could actually get out of the house and to the doctor's office.
ReplyDeleteAlso, could you pretty please tell me what comment plug ins you're using? I added IntenseDebate and CommentLuv to my Blogspot blog so people could subscribe to comments and stop commenting on Facebook instead, but now everyone's too scared of the new commenting system to comment.
ReplyDeleteUm, the uh, plug kind? That uh, do stuff? The ones that came with the blog? I'm not helping am I?
DeleteI know there is no real good silver lining for back-throwing-outing (shut up its a phrase now), but does that mean scott papered the garden for you? because there is no dumber and more frustrating job that laying down a bunch of newspaper as it tries to fly up at you and you're all NO WIND NO and its all you don't know me, I do what I want!
ReplyDeleteYep although he didn't get it all the way done and now it's out there mocking me. Mocking me I tell you. *Shakes fist at window winces slightly*
DeleteBeing the poster child for back pain (surgery numero 2 is in less than a week), I feel your pain (literally)... I got stuck on the floor once, on my back, as the dining room chair broke (with my fat, broken ass still in it) and it was then I realized my dog does not know the command "BRING MAMA THE &^%$ing PHONE!". Also: Dogs don't learn well under pressure.
ReplyDeleteI used black plastic to cover my garden (how do you stop the paper from blowing away?). Clear plastic acts like a great big greenhouse; I learned that by having the biggest, healthiest dandelion plants this side of the equator.
You wet the paper and hold it down with something. Dirt, old hay, animal bedding, leaves, the cats, whatever. Which works well for me because my chickens won't stop pooping.
DeleteDude, that sucks. About five years ago someone ran into me while I walked across a parking lot. Prior to that, if someone said something about throwing out their back, I was like, um, okay you big baby. I learned all about back problems after the car ramming incident, and it is no joke.
ReplyDelete