Going to the Vet, the Angry Cat Edition.

So after about a week of putting various drops and goop into my cats eyeballs it was time to take her back into the vet for a checkup of her horrible mangled eyes eye ulcers. Of course she was not okay with this at all ever. Which she expressed by refusing to go into her carrier. So I had Scott try to put her in while I held the crate but he only got her torso in before she caught on that this just might be another plot to take her to the vet and then all hell broke loose and she started making this sound like she was about to fuck our shit up. And of course she is like, super strong from her life outside where she would chase down and kill FULL GROWN RABBITS so then I panicked and turned the carrier straight up hoping gravity would help us out. However it turns out that gravity was giving us the finger that day because all this accomplished was that she turned into a helicopter made out of tail and fur and claws.

A cat-ass-copter if you will.

I started laughing because this was the funniest thing I had seen in a while and then I saw one of her front paws slap down on the outside of the door and then she managed to pull herself out of the thing entirely and tried to make a run for it and Scott had to tackle her.

So the horrible sounds of her laying the smack down resumed and it took both of us pushing on her ass to shove her into the crate and I slammed the door shut after her and latched it before she could turn around and checked to make sure both my hands were still attached and this wasn't going to be like that scene from Kill Bill where she totally cut that others chicks head off but she doesn't realize it at first. Except with my hands. And a cat.

Anyway we drive to the vet clinic and I listen to Emoticon trying to add in her own angry lyrics to the music on the radio and then we get there and the vet comes out and hands the receptionist the tiniest cutest puppy ever and asks her to hold it because apparently he won't stop crying and then all our hearts melt at once and the puppy is super happy because OMG ATTENTION.

Then we head on in and he puts dye in her eyeballs and asks us if we have seen any improvement and then I say no not really and then Emoticon refuses to open her third eyelid AGAIN and I am all like we are paying money for this open your damn eyes except I didn't say it out loud and I am pretty sure she gave the vet the finger.

So then he says that if we wanted we could take her to a specialist who happens to be in Gaithersburg Maryland. Just to clarify, we live in WEST VIRGINA. So then I am all like, well, she was a free cat... and then he said that really though the best thing we could do was keep treating them but that he was pretty sure the left eye was shot but we might be able to improve the right eye.

Which was pretty much the same thing he said the last time we went through all this.

Then I was like, I don't think we can ever take her off these medications again can we? Because we tried that and her right eye was totally fine and then everything went back to being awful as soon as we stopped and now we are playing save the cats eyeballs again. And then he said we were going to have to wait and see what happened this go around which probably means I have a new indoor cat now.

Then we fixed another appointment date and then we went to the counter to pay and the cutest puppy in the whole world was there again with it's working eyes and everything and then we paid and then we went back to the car and I felt bad for the cat and thought about how I didn't want any of this to happen and also about that fact that we pretty much gave each other the cats eyeballs for Christmas this year.

But in a totally non-creepy way.

I mean there is totally nothing weird about giving the gift of eyeballs right? Right?

You know what? I'll just stop typing before I make this worse.

Drying the Logs and a Solar Kiln.

So the latest news in our saga of getting logs for the house involves some mold. Namely that we live in a goddamned swamp and almost and all of the logs I had debarked were molding. So then we sprayed them with bleach, which promptly made them look like ass. So then we sanded and scraped the dead mold super bleached layers off and treated the logs with a sealer.

And they kept on molding.

 Pictured: failure.

 So then I freaked out a little bit because these fuckers are going to have to last for like, years until we can put them in the damn house where they belong. Of course at this point I felt like I was out of options because I had never thought to buy a book about building with logs because I was making a stone house and it would have never occurred to me before now that the more logs we cut down and drag out of the forest the less money we will have to spend on lumber. Even though books about log cabins probably would not have helped me anyways because they assume you are buying already treated and dried lumber because all of those are written for people with money and shit. And it's also a moot point because we just poured like 400$ into the driveway because nature and culvert pipes can be real assholes.

So then Scott stepped up to the plate, using things like the WV agriculture extension office and pointed out that what we really needed was a kiln for drying lumber. And I pointed out that we were, like poor. And then he pointed out that we could build a solar kiln. And then I was all like YES! The sun is good and free!

The only problem was that most the plans called for fancy things like, not starting this project this late in the season and it might need fans and floor drains and junk. So we argued and made plans to skip building it this season and wrap the logs individually like they were cigars in the most ghetto attempt ever to stop the demon mold. Of course at this juncture Scott pointed out that we only had light blue heavy plastic to wrap them in and I pointed out that this was just like baking and I didn't think we could substitute that many ingredients and steps and still come out with a dried mold free log. Since at that point I think this whole plan would have been more like trying to make bread by taking powered sugar and mixing it with lard and then hitting it with a rolling pin and putting it in the sun and expecting a nice sour dough.

So after coming to our senses we then went to price heavy duty black plastic and I had I minor cardiac event and then we were like maybe we should not waste any of this and just go ahead and make the whole damn kiln. Of course this also means that we have to make it storeable because expecting it and its plastic covered surfaces to survive the winter would be like expecting one of those hairless cats to survive just fine outside on your vacation to the north pole for Christmas.

It ain't gonna make it, is what I am saying.

So stay tuned for our exciting adventure building a solar kiln and swearing and getting splinters and me getting more sawdust down my chest and having my living room invaded by battery chargers and sandpaper and screws and bolts and tape measures and gloves because my living room clearly = shed.

Not that I am bitter or anything.

And normally I would say something about how mobile homes suck and we are going to be building that house except that is exactly what we are trying to do right now and somehow that still seems kinda remote even though it shouldn't but whatever because life is complicated like that.

You know what else is complicated?

Solar kilns.

Solar kilns and life, man.

Solar kilns and life.