Brush Clearing and the Fence of Thorns.

After spending, oh about a week in denial of all the branches and trees down around our place, we finally loaded up the chainsaw and went out to tackle it.

It wasn't that bad.

No really.

Scott would cut up the main trunk with the chainsaw and I would drag the smaller branches away. Except that I didn't really have anywhere to put them. Then Scott was all like, why don't we make a brush fence. Since we still have a row of old fence posts up along the road, this was a good idea. It got the brush out of the woods, and also made a nice barrier.

And it was fun as hell. I quickly became obsessed with it, to the point that Scott stopped helping me entirely because I kept redoing his sections and just went to load firewood and rail fence logs into the truck.

I entered a zone that day.

I was in brush fence zen. It did not matter how far I had to drag those limbs. All that mattered was the fence. The perfect loose crazy branches were held up away from my side of the fence by the posts. That way I could weave them into sturdy impassible barriers. That fact that I was taking something that most people were just piling up and burning and getting to play adult fort time. Really.

It was like when I was a kid making little buildings and forts out of sticks, except that now I am an adult and I can lift a shit ton more and have access to power tools and axes and shit. It was like stick fort time plus a thousand.

While Scott quietly did the real work, gradually moving away from me as he went, an idea hit me. An idea so pure, and so wonderful that I had to pause just to revel in it's sheer magnificence.

Imagine the scene. There I am standing in the forest on a cool winters day, with sticks in my hair, looking for things to go in my brush fence. And then I see it. All those multiflora rose plants I cut but never removed.

Oh no, your thinking. She didn't.

I did.

It was a process. Each branch had to be carefully removed from it's thorny, spiky fellows and then walked up along the fence and interwoven into the branches. Oh, you could get through my fence. You could force your way through it, but I wasn't going to make it easy for you.

About the time I was adding in the additional vertical supports Scott suggested we stop for the day. So we put the firewood away and laid out the rails for out split rail fence and put the tools away. Cause you know, stop for the day doesn't mean you stop working. It just means you stop working for the most part. Or you go work inside.

Look language is kinda tricky like that okay?

The important thing here is that for a whole day I got to play super brush fence fort time like I was motherfucking twelve. Even though I but the road trimming maintenance guy is gonna hate me so hard. So very, very hard.

Eh. Worth it.

So very, very worth it.

The Happiest Radio Station in the Whole Wide World

I have to explain that I hate the radio. My husband is a news addict. This would be fine, there is nothing wrong with being informed, it's just I don't want to listen to the news all the time. In the car. In the house, streaming live off the net. All the time. It never stops.

The stories are never good either. This is not uplifting. I do not like hearing people who sound emotionless and dead telling me about how the earth opened up and literally swallowed a two month old child while her mother had to claw her way to freedom and nobody knew what happened to the kid until her body was found two days later.*

This is why I think that I should make a Radio News Station, but it will only report on happy things. Things like puppies being saved out of storm drains, and the successful birth of rare and adorable animals at the zoo.

We will have the rainbow report, in which we will report on how many rainbows happened worldwide that day, and also people can call in with unicorn sightings.

If the traffic is bad we won't report it. So there will be a lot of traffic reports at 3:00am. “Every things is all clear here Tom, no accidents to report, all lanes are wide open. It's a perfect night to be on the roads.” Same with the weather. Or alternatively, we will only give weather reports from areas that have nice weather. “It's another bright beautiful day here in Florida Tom, sunny with a high of 75. Another perfect, perfect, day.”

There will be a portion of the show where we read emails sent to us about peoples good luck, their well behaved children, and their obedient, loving pets. We will devote the morning hours to reports of people who have achieved their dreams, such as getting that big raise/job they have been wanting, finally selling a painting, or finishing up construction on their dream homes. For the early morning news, we will only talk about happy stories, like counties signing peace deals, or putting in new hospitals and the like.

I think it will be the best radio station ever.

*This was a actual news story on yesterday. Sink holes are a bitch.