Monday, April 15, 2013

A Drunken Conversation with my Super Best Friend.

Presented without comment, an evening of drunken texting:

ME: Oooooohhhhh fuck. I just drank an entire bottle of wine. Fuck. Should I open another one? Oh god. Quick Best Friend SEND ME RICE KRISPY TREATS THRU THE PHONE!

BF: ha ha ha I'm not sure another one is the wrong idea... it might not be the right idea either but it's surely not the wrong idea. I made bowl cake instead.

ME: QUICK BEST FRIEND! SEND ME BOWL CAKE THRU THE PHONE! Oh my so drunk. I am making a paper angry face for the wine bottle, is this normal!?

BF: If I could only mash it in there, I'd send it. I'm pretty sure it's totally normal.

ME: Okay you can do this Best Friend, just, just, okay, like put it next to the screen and hit send, an then I will lick my phone okay? Ready? Are you Ready?

BF: haha oh shit you really are my favorite person ever.

ME: That did not taste of cake, Best Friend. That did not taste of cake at all. It tasted like phone. FOCUS BEST FRIEND!

BF: Stupid phone interfering with cake transmissions.

My wine bottle is very disappointed in you. Or maybe it's disappointed in me.

ME: Did you get that picture? On your picture getting thing. Ohhhhh I don't feel so good. Maybe, maybe I should drink more?

BF: I don't think I can receive pictures. Maybe it's time to drink some water?

ME: Yeah I made some tea and chugged two glasses. Wait. Waaaiiiittttt. All those pics I sent you they, they don't work!!?? But but Scott wearing the backhoe intertube like a toga, YOU NEVER SAW THAT!?

Annnnd then she stopped texting me. Possibly to save us both. Also I have to explain that she can't get pictures anymore because she lost her cool ass expensive phone in a bar. So there is that. Also, I did very little spelling correction here which means that I am pretty good at this texting thing even when I am drunk. Go me. Yeppers. Something to be proud of. My head is killing me.

Then this afternoon I made cookies and asked her if I wanted me to text her some and then she said that she doesn't think that her phone gets cookies either. Which clearly means that the moral of this story Super Best Friend needs to get another phone.

It's totally not that I am all banana sandwich crazy.

Nope not at all.


  1. For some reason the drunker I am the more complicated words I use. It's always satisfying the morning after to see how great my spelling was.

    1. Yes! This! Where does that eloquent drunk women go when I am sober? Why can't she hang out all the time?

  2. why don't they make bakery transmitting phones. dammit i'm actually disappointed right now. how do we have airplanes but my phone can't receive a simple cookie.

  3. OH YES! I get incredibly wordy the drunker I get. (and I'm pretty wordy now. Anybody in the vicinity of a drunken conversation between You, Vanessa, and I, might think we're a trio of scholars or something. (however, you and Vanessa might in fact BE scholars! I was just saying.)

    Also, the next day, I'm lucky to be able to read anything I've typed, it's that bad.

  4. Ha! You are a mighty good drunk texter.

    I have to take the phone away from the hubs if he starts trying to drunk text. His are filled with exclamation points and profanity.