So todays vet visit went poorly. Both from the news that her left eye has shown no improvement and may have possibly already burst and I really don't want to think about that right now. So, long story short, they have may to take out that eye.
Those sounds you are hearing? That's me dry heaving.
I'm going to try not to think about that either. I am also not going to think about the fact that I have to repeat the treatment for another week.
Mostly because putting in the eye drops was a goddamned adventure. Trying to do it by myself was like trying to wrestle a small bear that had really powerful squinting muscles. Finally Scott came over and helped me. I would like to think this was altruism on his part, but likely he got tired of listening to me yelling about how this medication had cost me, like a hundred dollars.
Luckily we have developed a system where he holds her head and I administer the eye drops and Emoticon closes her third eyelid just to fuck with us.
Also it turns out that at the clinic they had only one vet working who was in surgery, so I spent a lot of time staring at the posters in the waiting room and trying not to think about how much this time was going to cost me. During all this, while I was trying not to look at the Hookworm poster because it was saying something like 'you and your pet could have this RIGHT NOW OMFG' when the vet tech popped in to grab Emoticon to do some blood work. She left the door ajar, and before I knew it one of the resident vet kitties slipped in. Walking around like she owned the place this new kitty investigated Emoticon's carrier and then set herself into a corner for a wash.
Which was when I noticed that this new kitty only had one eyeball.
Ha, ha, life you are a bitch sometimes.
Getting down to pet new kitty I saw she was wearing a name tag. Helen Keller.
Ha ha life, you are a super bitch sometimes.
About that point the vet returned carrying a terrified Emoticon in her arms and I was all like, “this cat just came in and-”
And she just smiled a little smile and said “looks like someone has a visitor” before she slipped out the door.
So then it was just me in a room with two half blind cats. So I covered Emoticon with a towel and petted her and watched Hellen Keller and another mystery cat play that paw under the door game and listened to a dog yowling that sounded just like Gollum.
Finally the vet came in, looking like he had been through the ringer and we had that conversation that Holly did not want to have. That there was really no improvement in the left eye at all and that it was possible that the cyst had already broken and at this point we needed to see how much discomfort she was in before deciding whether we should just take it out but hey lets give it another week and we'll see what happens.
Then we were just two tired adults staring at each other across a metal table who were having really shitty days, just for different reasons.
So then I put Emoticon in her crate and we went to go buy auto parts and I tried not to think about it very much. Except now I have to think about it because she has just crawled into my lap and won't stop purring and shifting around AND CAN'T YOU JUST STAY STILL FOR TWO SECONDS?
Anyway. So now I don't know if I should feel like a failure because I/we/the medical establishment failed to save her eye, or whether I should be happy we saved the other one, or whether this is all too soon and I need to give it more time and hopefully it will improve.
Emotions are like, fucking hard, man.
Typing with one hand because the other one is under a cat.