Monday, August 5, 2013

Fixing the Driveway, the Graveling.

Today, oh sweet Jesus, today we re-graveled the driveway. By hand. With a wheelbarrow. Ha ha yeah. Everything is pain now. Anyway after realizing that putting dirt back into the holes was useless, because like yeah, there is no way that filling the ruts with a bunch of dirt after the soil that was there ended up in the fucking creek was a bad idea, Scott went ahead and ordered a bunch of large gravel.

Since you know, all of the small gravel has probably been washed into the next county.

So this morning the truck full of gravel showed up, and of course it was the same driver who had gotten stuck in the driveway the last time he delivered here and seemed to be immensely relieved that he could really only dump at the top. Of course after seeing the fucking canyons the water had etched into the earth I really don't think he will be very keen on driving down the driveway in the future.

Unfortunately with the gravel at the very top and the road looking like a creek bed we had to move the gravel by hand because there was no way to get the backhoe to the pile. Also this was my first time working with large gravel and I learned several key things. One, it hated my fucking shovel. I mean like, really a whole lot hated it. Like all the demons of hate were hating it up in here. With the little gravel it just sort of slides onto your shovel. With the big gravel I would get my shovel a forth of the way into the pile before it would stop dead. Then I would have to do the thing where you shimmy the shovel up and down to get to fill. Of course that may sound okay for the first few times, but around lunch time my body was all like WTF are you doing to me?

The second thing being that you cannot rake large gravel. I mean like, at all. The rake would just, slide over the fucking surface while the gravel laughed at me. Like, 'oh you wanted to level me out!? Well no way motherfucker ha ha ha ha!' The third thing was that the ruts were deeper then they looked and for a while it seemed like I was dumping shit heavy wheelbarrow loads into some sort of interdementional vortex.

Also I had woken up with my back doing that thing where it doesn't hurt exactly, but it sends shooting pains down my right leg. Possibly in an attempt to punish me for my sins.

My back sins.

Anyway after spending all of the morning on this project, and watching the ruts eat gravel like candy, we realized the grim truth. We were going to need another dump truck full of gravel. You know another 200$ dump truck full of gravel. Nothing like eating spaghetti and sandwiches every meal, am I right?

I mean, it's not like we were trying to build a house or anything. You know, it's not like we were trying to get the guys in here to put in a septic system and totally getting and storing logs for the house. I mean it's not like this has all come to a screeching halt during the best weather ever for those projects. I mean it's not like we were planning on digging a foundation or clearing the house site and marking it anytime soon. I mean it's not like I can hear the ticking of that terrible clock counting down the minutes until the icy depths of winter. It's not like I still have to get firewood and go to work or do anything else during this time.

I mean, it's not like I have to spend another day moving gravel around with a motherfucking wheelbarrow and a shovel while watching my other projects sitting around mocking me with there presence.

Ha ha ha no.

It's not like I am bitter that this was as far as 200$ worth of gravel made it and it looks like the rest of the driveway was attacked by a very hungry rockbiter.

 200$ I really can't stress that enough.

So anyway I think I have to stop typing because my hands feel all weird and I think I drank too much caffeine in order to type this even though I still want to lay face down on my floor and close my eyes.

Which is not really how I pictured spending my evening. You know, face down on the carpet like a drunken hobo, but eh I got to roll with the punches.

The floor punches.

So if you need me, you know where to look.


  1. Umm ... I spent the past 2 days cleaning shit and piss off my MIL's floors ..... and I thought that was bad. I'll take my pissie shitty floors over top your gravel ........... I think!!!

    All I can say ... is good luck ... and keep writing ....... please keep writing! Your posts become ... ummm the best thing I read on my crappy days! (oohh I kinda feel bad for that comment!!)

  2. At least your trials and tribulations give you awesome blog post titles. It sounds like something out of a horror movie! Small comfort, I'm sure

    Hope you can walk tomorrow!

  3. Um, well, does it help that you newly large graveled driveway looks lovely?

  4. You had me at "...don't let your kids read this shit..."

    And then again at "Which is not really how I pictured spending my evening. You know, face down on the carpet like a drunken hobo,"

    :) :)

  5. You just drunken hobo it up, face down on the floor for a while, I know gravel is a bitch!

    You really need to figure out how to get that backhoe up there!