My Mobile Home Caught on Fire.

On Saturday the 4^th my mobile home caught on fire. I mean like really a whole lot on fire. It was my husbands birthday that day too. Here are some bullet points. Because I know you have questions.

1. Me and Scott are fine, well if you count breathing in a bunch of toxic burning mobile home parts fine. We have inhalers.
2. The dog and cat are both fine as well and all the outdoor cats are present and accounted for as well.
3. Most of our clothing made it intact, as well as most of my books, but we lost nearly everything in the kitchen and part of living room.
4. Yes, we had insurance.
5. I don't want to sound like, uh, I am pressuring you here, but if you would like to help out in anyway you may notice that buy my prints button I have... it's the one with the rooster.

Here is what happened. The wood stove which we had JUST CLEANED and replaced the chimney, caught fire and burned to the ground. That ignited the propane tank right beside the trailer, and caught the whole damn thing on fire. Scott used ever portable fire extinguisher we had to you know, try to stop my fiery death trap from claiming all of our shit. I was out taking the dog for a walk when I looked up and saw that my mobile home was a whole more on fire then I remembered it. So I ran all the way back to the house UPHILL tried to turn on our super no freeze yard water spigot thing and it was all like, ha ha lol no water for you sucker.

Of course then I freaked out and panicked because all my shit was still in there. Scott had been able to get out his laptop, three guitars the Internet and Emoticon (the cat) before all hell broke loose.

Let me tell you something right here right now.

When there is a fire, you will forget everything you have ever learned about fire safety. Everything. All of it.

The first thing I did upon realizing getting water was super not going to happen at all ever was freak out that my shit was in that burning metal rectangle. So I dove back into the front door to be met by a rolling wave of heat and then I felt it hit my face and I panicked and inhaled and grabbed my phone and ran out again. Like you do.

Of course then I ran back around the building to where the fire was because I realized that if it didn't want to lose everything I was going to have to do SOMETHING. At this point I realized two things, one the propane tank was setting my wall on fire, and two one of my windows was melting. So in a fit is desperation I ran back around to the front of the house and grabbed a snow shovel. And then I proceeded to shovel snow on to a BURNING PROPANE TANK that was surrounded by other propane tanks.

I figured if I was going to die I was going to go with my computers.

At some point I heard sirens and then the firefighters pulled up and asked them to “please help me save all my shit.” Then they went into my house and did fireman things while I stood in the yard with the one guy who didn't have on of those mask things on. He asked how the fire started. I told him. I told him that I had tried to keep it contained by shoveling snow on to the propane tank. Then he gave me a look. Then I told him “like you wouldn't have.” Then he nodded and then we both stared at my burning shit. Then I told him I needed a hug. We hugged.

Because sometimes you just need a goddamned hug.

Then the ambulances arrived and I got to go on my first ambulance ride because it hurt to breath air. I mean like really a lot hurt. From the hospital I managed to contact my aunt to come get my pets and then she came and got us and took us to her house and fed us soup and whiskey and I decided to nominate her for sainthood.

When I got back to the place we had a nice 12 foot long hole in the wall where out kitchen/living room was. So now we are taking out what was left and preparing to tear down the trailer and put in a small cabin to live in while the house is being built.

I am very tired as I have been going balls to the wall to you know, have a place to live again that is not my aunt's spare bedroom. Luckily almost all of out clothing and books were okay, but most of my electronics look like they have been through a smoker and we lost a lot of artwork and plates and bullshit like that. Oh and the microwave melted.

It's more of a Salvidor Dali microwave now. 

Going to the Vet, the Angry Cat Edition.

So after about a week of putting various drops and goop into my cats eyeballs it was time to take her back into the vet for a checkup of her horrible mangled eyes eye ulcers. Of course she was not okay with this at all ever. Which she expressed by refusing to go into her carrier. So I had Scott try to put her in while I held the crate but he only got her torso in before she caught on that this just might be another plot to take her to the vet and then all hell broke loose and she started making this sound like she was about to fuck our shit up. And of course she is like, super strong from her life outside where she would chase down and kill FULL GROWN RABBITS so then I panicked and turned the carrier straight up hoping gravity would help us out. However it turns out that gravity was giving us the finger that day because all this accomplished was that she turned into a helicopter made out of tail and fur and claws.

A cat-ass-copter if you will.

I started laughing because this was the funniest thing I had seen in a while and then I saw one of her front paws slap down on the outside of the door and then she managed to pull herself out of the thing entirely and tried to make a run for it and Scott had to tackle her.

So the horrible sounds of her laying the smack down resumed and it took both of us pushing on her ass to shove her into the crate and I slammed the door shut after her and latched it before she could turn around and checked to make sure both my hands were still attached and this wasn't going to be like that scene from Kill Bill where she totally cut that others chicks head off but she doesn't realize it at first. Except with my hands. And a cat.

Anyway we drive to the vet clinic and I listen to Emoticon trying to add in her own angry lyrics to the music on the radio and then we get there and the vet comes out and hands the receptionist the tiniest cutest puppy ever and asks her to hold it because apparently he won't stop crying and then all our hearts melt at once and the puppy is super happy because OMG ATTENTION.

Then we head on in and he puts dye in her eyeballs and asks us if we have seen any improvement and then I say no not really and then Emoticon refuses to open her third eyelid AGAIN and I am all like we are paying money for this open your damn eyes except I didn't say it out loud and I am pretty sure she gave the vet the finger.

So then he says that if we wanted we could take her to a specialist who happens to be in Gaithersburg Maryland. Just to clarify, we live in WEST VIRGINA. So then I am all like, well, she was a free cat... and then he said that really though the best thing we could do was keep treating them but that he was pretty sure the left eye was shot but we might be able to improve the right eye.

Which was pretty much the same thing he said the last time we went through all this.

Then I was like, I don't think we can ever take her off these medications again can we? Because we tried that and her right eye was totally fine and then everything went back to being awful as soon as we stopped and now we are playing save the cats eyeballs again. And then he said we were going to have to wait and see what happened this go around which probably means I have a new indoor cat now.

Then we fixed another appointment date and then we went to the counter to pay and the cutest puppy in the whole world was there again with it's working eyes and everything and then we paid and then we went back to the car and I felt bad for the cat and thought about how I didn't want any of this to happen and also about that fact that we pretty much gave each other the cats eyeballs for Christmas this year.

But in a totally non-creepy way.

I mean there is totally nothing weird about giving the gift of eyeballs right? Right?

You know what? I'll just stop typing before I make this worse.