So after about a week of putting various drops and goop into my cats eyeballs it was time to take her back into the vet for a checkup of her
horrible mangled eyes
eye ulcers. Of course she was not okay with this at all ever. Which
she expressed by refusing to go into her carrier. So I had Scott try
to put her in while I held the crate but he only got her torso in
before she caught on that this just might be another plot to take her
to the vet and then all hell broke loose and she started making this
sound like she was about to fuck our shit up. And of course she is
like, super strong from her life outside where she would chase down
and kill FULL GROWN RABBITS so then I panicked and turned the carrier
straight up hoping gravity would help us out. However it turns out
that gravity was giving us the finger that day because all this
accomplished was that she turned into a helicopter made out of tail
and fur and claws.
A cat-ass-copter if you will.
I started laughing because this was the funniest thing I had seen in a while and then I saw one of her front paws slap down on the outside of the door and then she managed to pull herself out of the thing entirely and tried to make a run for it and Scott had to tackle her.
So the horrible sounds of her laying the smack down resumed and it took both of us pushing on her ass to shove her into the crate and I slammed the door shut after her and latched it before she could turn around and checked to make sure both my hands were still attached and this wasn't going to be like that scene from Kill Bill where she totally cut that others chicks head off but she doesn't realize it at first. Except with my hands. And a cat.
Anyway we drive to the vet clinic and I listen to Emoticon trying to add in her own angry lyrics to the music on the radio and then we get there and the vet comes out and hands the receptionist the tiniest cutest puppy ever and asks her to hold it because apparently he won't stop crying and then all our hearts melt at once and the puppy is super happy because OMG ATTENTION.
Then we head on in and he puts dye in her eyeballs and asks us if we have seen any improvement and then I say no not really and then Emoticon refuses to open her third eyelid AGAIN and I am all like we are paying money for this open your damn eyes except I didn't say it out loud and I am pretty sure she gave the vet the finger.
So then he says that if we wanted we could take her to a specialist who happens to be in Gaithersburg Maryland. Just to clarify, we live in WEST VIRGINA. So then I am all like, well, she was a free cat... and then he said that really though the best thing we could do was keep treating them but that he was pretty sure the left eye was shot but we might be able to improve the right eye.
Which was pretty much the same thing he said the last time we went through all this.
Then I was like, I don't think we can ever take her off these medications again can we? Because we tried that and her right eye was totally fine and then everything went back to being awful as soon as we stopped and now we are playing save the cats eyeballs again. And then he said we were going to have to wait and see what happened this go around which probably means I have a new indoor cat now.
Then we fixed another appointment date and then we went to the counter to pay and the cutest puppy in the whole world was there again with it's working eyes and everything and then we paid and then we went back to the car and I felt bad for the cat and thought about how I didn't want any of this to happen and also about that fact that we pretty much gave each other the cats eyeballs for Christmas this year.
But in a totally non-creepy way.
I mean there is totally nothing weird about giving the gift of eyeballs right? Right?
You know what? I'll just stop typing before I make this worse.