Filling the Kitchen With Poison, a Retrospective

So my attempt to murder the ants was apparently not effective. So just as an FYI Ortho Home Defense Max is piece of shit. Anyway, we decided the best course of action was to go buy more poison. Better poison. Stronger poison. Because if it didn't work the first time, it's sure to work the second!

So Scott sprayed the outside of the mobile home again.

And there were still ants.

Which could mean only one thing.

That these are obviously super Nazi Ants the result of years and years of careful ant breeding programs designed to make the ant master race. This means there is only one course of action left, we have to kill the queen. There are several options to do this.

1. We could attempt to locate the nest and pour poison down it.

2. We could set out even more bait traps.

3. We could train a small but deadly force of assassin ants to go on a covert mission to the ant hill and kill the queen. They would be armed with tiny knifes, their wits, and some Rambo sweat/head band things. I would also arm each with a small about of poison bait as a suicide pill in case they were captured.

4. We could go on a brutal blitzkrieg campaign, fire bombing most of soil around the trailer in an attempt to dishearten the ant populace until they give up the assault on my kitchen.

Really though, I think there's only one real solution here. So, does anybody know where I can get ant sized assault rifles?

This is gonna be sweet.

I Just Murdered an Entire Civilization

I just murdered an entire civilization of ants. Big black ants that had decided to move into my kitchen and set up camp. So, I did what any self respecting person would do, I poisoned the shit out of everything. I set some bait traps up in the kitchen, and after waiting a few hours I sprayed the perimeter or my house mobile home with poison.

That seemed to do the trick.

Then I told my friend about my epic adventure battling the terrible ant hoards. It went something like this.

ME: Ah, nothing like spraying the house with deadly neurotoxin to get rid of that ant problem.

SUPER BEST FRIEND: Ah, nothing quite like drinking a beer and wiping out a whole society.

ME: Eh, they had it coming, I'm fairly certain they were Nazi ants.

SUPER BEST FRIEND: I'm sure they were. Why else would they being trying to take over your kitchen? First the kitchen, then the house, THEN THE WORLD!

ME: I'm fairly certain they said something about 'just wanting Poland.'

SUPER BEST FRIEND: Lol.

Yeah. So after the genocide I decided to get drunk because I had just rid of the world on ant Hitler. And also I realized everything in my body hurt from moving rocks.

There is nothing quite like getting drunk by yourself in a empty poison filled mobile home in the middle of nowhere*.

I think that was the most depressing sentence I have ever typed.

Yes. I think that was.

Damn.

Well then.

Fuck.

*Scott was away, but he's back now so don't think you can just come murder me.