Friday, May 31, 2013

Getting Logs for Hay Storage and Beyond.

Today we gathered logs. I needed four to make the uprights for my hay storage shed and also we needed to start getting logs for the house. You know, that house thing that I mentioned we would be building and then never mentioned again? You know, the one that you have had exactly zero updates on? Yeah that house. We are still intending on building it. So today, in the hot as shit motherfucking weather we went out into the back acres to get ourselves some trees.

Some heavy ass trees.

Of course Scott was all like didn't you pick the trees you wanted in advance? And I'm all like ha ha no, that would have required planning. Luckily there was a downed pine we were planning on using for the house that had taken a smaller pine with it when it fell because trees can be dicks like that. Of course it had fallen in the middle of a rock bar, which for those of you that don't know, is an area that is filled with rocks. All the rocks. In this case rocks covered with a thin layer of forest duff. So pretty much it was an adventure of not twisting our ankles. So we cut them bitches up, getting four logs for the house and two for the hay rack and then had to find two more trees. Which of course was fun.

I also should point out that I hate killing healthy live trees because deep inside me lives a tree hugging hippy. But then again I also hate digging through a foot of snow to get to my hay pile, so I thought downing a few maples was probably the lesser of two evils. Also Scott wanted the rest of the maple for the house. Because we like to use every part of the tree. Like the buffalo. Except less edible.

Anywho so we cut down the trees and then we realize that it's way, way too goddamned hot. Like August hot because the weather just likes to fuck with us for no reason. So we decide to move the giant ass house logs the next day, and get my hay logs into the truck and up to the farm yard so I can debark them.

Unfortunately we had to drag the logs out by wrapping ratchet straps around them because the rock bar was filled with treachery. So at one point Scott was on the front pulling the log with the ratchet and I was in the back heaving the ass end of the log over rocks and the other downed trees while every fly ever buzzed around my head and I began to realize why America lost the majority of it's farm generation. Cause that shit sucked. Also Scott had interpreted my desire to build a hay storage unit that would last forever as I must cut down only the biggest trees for her. Which was probably an attempt to prove his manliness but which meant it took two people to lift one end of the giant ass trees into the pickup.

Did I mention that the trees were between 12 and 14 feet tall?


So we fought them bitches into the truck and then drove them up to the farm yard and stacked them on boards to keep them off the ground. Now all I have to do is debark them. Which I have no idea how to do. So I am going to watch every Youtube video ever. Which will probably max out my internet and then I won't be able to get to my blog at all but whatever.

I mean how hard can it be?

I know, I know, it's going to be terrible. And you are going to get to read about it. I think you have the better end of the deal, really.


  1. Most people buy lumber from the lumber yard, but you are hell bent on felling trees and making your own. You go Laura Ingalls. You go!

  2. Amen, Mermaid!

    My back is hurting for you. Heat, ice and Ben Gay should be your friends.

  3. I'm rather ashamed to admit this, but the main thing I took away from this post was that, for some reason, you might not have internet after watching youtube. I am utterly confused. Can you use up the internet? Should I be scared? Because I can't run out of internet, that would really suck.

    1. I have satellite internet, so yes I can run out. Or what actually happens is I hit my monthly cap and then they give me slower then dial up speeds to punish me for my sins.

      It's kind of terrible, really.