Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hay Storage the Walls and the Roof.

So after putting the posts in the ground and then waiting overnight we arrived bright and early to add on the floor and the roof of our little hay storage barn. Of course that sounds so neat and tidy, but in reality we didn't really have a plan. What we did have was a bunch of wood from the old barn that was stored under a tarp on the old pool deck, an impact driver, a level and a chainsaw.

So we would make a plan, pull out the boards we needed, measure them and then the fucking fun started. Now some of you might remember our adventure with the chicken coup where we brought down our portable generator to make cuts and run power tools. This time we decided that took too damn long, so we cut the boards to length with the motherfucking chainsaw.

You know, like well rounded adults do.

Anyway, since I didn't plan any of this and the hay is growing in the fields, I ran into a problem. None of the old boards from the barn were pressure treated. So in order for them to you know, not rot into the earth like all the previous structures I had to treat them with something. So grabbing the can of preserver I used on the log uprights I started to treat the underside of all the boards. Because once the base boards were down I couldn't reach the bottom of them.

So then the entire project turned into one giant race, where I ran around treating each side of the board before I lost access to it forever. This involved not just treating the bottoms, but also doing the sides and tops of the base boards, and then the bottom and sides of every floor board we laid down. Also, I can assure you, after all that, that cedar stain deck and fence preserver does not really get you high.

At all.

Which was almost but not quite disappointing, because during this paint-a-thon we hit major problem number two. Which is that decade old barn boards made out of oak are as hard as a rock. Or diamonds or someshit. Not only did we have to predrill all the holes in each and every board we would be screwing together, we also lost TWO motherfucking drill bits along the way. Also I learned that if you absentmindedly grab the drill bit after it's done drilling through two inch think oak floor beams, you will burn the ever loving shit out of your hand. Through your glove.

Just take my word on that one will you?

In fact, considering that I am talking about inhaling stain fumes and cutting up lumber with a chainsaw, just- just take my word on all of this.

Don't try this at home is what I am saying.

Moving along, after much swearing and getting stain everywhere, we finished the floor and moved on to the roof. Luckily we still had some left over boards from the chicken coup roof that were just right to go onto this project. Unluckily however was the act of getting them the fuck up there. See, when I cleaned off the site, I was just worried about clearing out enough old barn debris that I could get the holes dug and move around the thing. Except I kinda omitted thinking through a few things. Like ladder clearance. So while the boards could be got up the ladder without death, it took some, ah, creative energy. And by that I mean we did that thing where you try to keep all your weight on one side of the ladder so the damn thing won't fall over on you halfway through. So, it was an adventure.

Then there was the simple matter of trimming the logs off to the correct height. Well for me it was simple because Scott was the one doing it. For him it was terrible. Probably. But in the end we got them all trimmed up and nobody died and the tops didn't fall and crush anybody even though the chickens were all around us watching and muttering things in chicken that I didn't understand.

Then we put the roof boards up and after that it was too late to keep working even though we had hoped to get the metal roof on but that's just life so what the fuck ever. Then we went to visit my grandma and I hung out with my favorite nephew and we went down to the big ol' river that runs through the mountains behind her house and threw rocks in the water until it got too dark and the super no fun rest of the adults made us come back inside.

Because sometimes, life doesn't get any better then that.



  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Son of turkey - I deleted my comment. ;) Was just asking about the roof slope. I'm trying to paint a picture in my head of your pole barn and I obsess about odd details... :D Your barn sounds lovely, complicated and lovely.

    2. If I can ever get to it I'll have some pictures, but it's about a foot drop from the front to the back.

  2. Holy hell. When do you find time for sleep?

    Ending the day by throwing rocks into a river with beloved family members - nope, it really doesn't get much better than that!!