Monday, April 23, 2012

Filling the Kitchen With Poison, a Retrospective

So my attempt to murder the ants was apparently not effective. So just as an FYI Ortho Home Defense Max is piece of shit. Anyway, we decided the best course of action was to go buy more poison. Better poison. Stronger poison. Because if it didn't work the first time, it's sure to work the second!

So Scott sprayed the outside of the mobile home again.

And there were still ants.

Which could mean only one thing.

That these are obviously super Nazi Ants the result of years and years of careful ant breeding programs designed to make the ant master race. This means there is only one course of action left, we have to kill the queen. There are several options to do this.

1. We could attempt to locate the nest and pour poison down it.

2. We could set out even more bait traps.

3. We could train a small but deadly force of assassin ants to go on a covert mission to the ant hill and kill the queen. They would be armed with tiny knifes, their wits, and some Rambo sweat/head band things. I would also arm each with a small about of poison bait as a suicide pill in case they were captured.

4. We could go on a brutal blitzkrieg campaign, fire bombing most of soil around the trailer in an attempt to dishearten the ant populace until they give up the assault on my kitchen.

Really though, I think there's only one real solution here. So, does anybody know where I can get ant sized assault rifles?

This is gonna be sweet.


  1. Are you having the dry spell we are having? Ants follow the water. I started getting ants in my kitchen, too. Sprinkle cinnamon around the drain. For some reason they can't cross cinnamon (maybe they lose the trail?) and I haven't seen one ant since I did that.

    Of course, that means you have cinnamon in your sink, but that's better than ants!

    1. Luckily this round seems to have done the trick. Although I will keep that in mind for the future. Since I love the smell of cinnamon, I wonder if I could just coat the whole kitchen? Probably be sneezing a lot though.

    2. I used to try to sprinkle it around the rim of the counter where I had seen them. It didn't help. Then I heard they come up the pipes.

    3. Speaking of pipes - I just read that mice/rats are known to enter house through toilets...! I'm upset because I thought my house was well sealed against them!

  2. All I can say is, thank goodness the place isn't infested by a locust storm. I just read about them and whoa... now that would be bad business!