Friday, April 13, 2012

I Just Murdered an Entire Civilization

I just murdered an entire civilization of ants. Big black ants that had decided to move into my kitchen and set up camp. So, I did what any self respecting person would do, I poisoned the shit out of everything. I set some bait traps up in the kitchen, and after waiting a few hours I sprayed the perimeter or my house mobile home with poison.

That seemed to do the trick.

Then I told my friend about my epic adventure battling the terrible ant hoards. It went something like this.

ME: Ah, nothing like spraying the house with deadly neurotoxin to get rid of that ant problem.

SUPER BEST FRIEND: Ah, nothing quite like drinking a beer and wiping out a whole society.

ME: Eh, they had it coming, I'm fairly certain they were Nazi ants.

SUPER BEST FRIEND: I'm sure they were. Why else would they being trying to take over your kitchen? First the kitchen, then the house, THEN THE WORLD!

ME: I'm fairly certain they said something about 'just wanting Poland.'


Yeah. So after the genocide I decided to get drunk because I had just rid of the world on ant Hitler. And also I realized everything in my body hurt from moving rocks.

There is nothing quite like getting drunk by yourself in a empty poison filled mobile home in the middle of nowhere*.

I think that was the most depressing sentence I have ever typed.

Yes. I think that was.


Well then.


*Scott was away, but he's back now so don't think you can just come murder me.


  1. My house is infested with these tiny black tickle ants right now. When I pointed them out, with a moan, to one of the villagers - he responded, "Oh! This kind is good! It means you'll get money!"

    I'm still waiting...............

  2. I wonder how that works, do the ants bring the money in their jaws? Do they murder any rich relatives you have and then forge a new will? I wish my ants were money ants.

  3. I hate ants! Stupid, annoying food-wreckers! That's how they kill people. They invade your food-supplies, forcing you to throw out whatever's left and starve to death!

    You weren't "getting drunk by yourself in a empty poison filled mobile home in the middle of nowhere" - you were toasting your victory, and the toast got carried away. No harm in that! (I hope it was good beer.)