Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Time Trial Canning Corn

This year we have actually been able to grow corn. Which came as something of a surprise for us because normally the closest we can get is having weak looking knee high plants that are clearly praying for the sweet release of death in the form of an early fall.

But not this year. This year the plants exploded out of the gate and grew. They grew like they have never grown before and are now taller then I am. It was like some sort of cornspolision.

So yesterday, Scott went out picked corn. We ended up with two and a half bushels of corn. We rejoiced. Or at least he rejoiced as I was grooming the dog in preparation to give him a bath. After wrestling a wet dog around the tub- I only got shampoo in my eyes twice- I returned to the kitchen to hear Scott give a sort of strangled scream.

“Three hours!” He said.

“Three hours what?” I asked.

“It says we have to process all this in three hours or we will lose flavor.” There was a sound, like all of my plans had just derailed. It sounded a bit like thwunk.

Well, fuck.

Immediately we threw ourselves out onto the porch and started shucking corn. It became apparent that two bushels and some change was a lot of motherfucking corn.

A lot of motherfucking corn.

At some point I also became aware that the kitchen was too filthy for canning and there was a load of dishes in the sink. What followed was a bunch of cutting the kernels off into bowls and shoving them into pots. I think we used every pot that we owned. The entire stove top was covered in bubbling burabaling pots of corn. Also the floor, the table, me, Scott and the chairs.

We also then hit another, we-didn't-plan-this-out-now-did-we moment when we had to pull out every last single small canning jar we had and prayed we had enough. We should probably stop looking at the canning recipe about an hour before we can, and you know, actually plan for these sorts of things.

Ha ha. What am I saying? That's crazy talk.

So in short we used every small canning jar we had and also one of the big ones and ended up covering every surface in the kitchen in corn. But we got it done goddammit. Of course it was like a million fucking degrees inside all day because apparently running the all the burners on the stove makes it hot inside. Who knew?

I would have gotten more in process pics but three hours. It was like those times levels in video games that you didn't know were coming up but then you were in one and you had to do your best because you were down to your last life. Yeah. Like that.

Nothing quite like this laid back, relaxing country life.



  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I almost made pear butter the other day with fresh picked pears. Until I realized that it was going to take hours of my day. Hours that I didn't have... Some of my pears went bad :(

    So, I also nominated you for a major award (It may or may not be a “chain-blog,” but it's still awesome.) You don't have to do it, and you can revel in the fact that I think you're hilarious...or you can visit my post today to accept your award :)


    1. Aw, thank you so much!! But I already have one! Still you are made of awesome for wanting to give me one and I hope life showers you with happiness.

  2. Corn. Yum. Indiana droughted this summer, and my parents (born Iowans) are corn purists, so we had no corn-on-the-cob at all. Grocery store corn imported from God-knows-where doesn't cut it. :(

    Good for you for saving your corn!