Saturday, January 5, 2013

Scott's Birthday, Drinking and the Wii

So, yesterday was Scott's Birthday, and we partied like it was, uh, party time. First off we decided to make a cake. Which went pretty well. Mostly. You know how when you make a cake from scratch and then lovingly pour it into round cake pans and then bake it and then pull it out of the oven and the centers have dropped slightly? And then you don't think much of it and then you pull it out of the cake pan and realize that the dip between the two layers is pretty sizable when you combine the two? Well let me tell you something right now.

Don't fill that gap with icing.

Oh it looks tempting. You have icing. You have a gap to fill. It's like it was meant to be. But you know what you end up with? A cake that is so sugary and so rich that neither one of us could eat a whole piece. Because when Holly makes a cake, she uses cream and butter because life is too shot for all that low fat bullshit.

Which is also why my pants don't fit this morning. We have also been pretty much snowed in for something like a week now, and I'm feeling it. Which led to our next decision. Playing the Wii.

Now the Wii is something of a red headed step child of my video game family. I love my Playstation 3 like it is my own child. I love my cranky old desktop PC. What I hardly ever touch however, is the Wii. The last time I had played it, was about oh, two years ago. See, I bought it for my father. And then he died. (I don't think that the two are related.*) So I inherited the Wii.

So we dusted it off, literally, put batteries in the Wii motes, found the right game (Wii sports resort) and started in flailing like mad people. At this juncture I have to explain something. That something is the fact that I have banned board games from our house. Permanently. Because a game of battle ship almost destroyed our marriage. Every game that pits us against each other became a battle of wills and skill of truly epic proportions. Except for some reason, Wii games, because I get to blame my avatar for every mistake I make.

And oh boy did I.

I called her a stupid bitch whore motherfucker. I called her a idiot whore mongering cur. I got creative.

She deserved it.

Also, we play fairly. With no sabotage or for the most part no trash talking. But oh my god the flailing. You haven't truly lived until you have tried to play Wii sports without knocking down the Christmas tree or falling over or punching the ceiling fan in it's smug bladey face in a tiny mobile home living room.

I also found that as I got drunker I started yelling more at the TV and singing eye of the tiger whenever I won. Scott spend a good chunk of time trying to make his avatar look like it was jerking off with something.

I also learned that neither Scott nor I can play Wii frisbee golf. We were so bad at it that the game kept giving us “give up points” and cutting off the courses before we could finish them. It got so bad that whenever the game would announce that one of us had been given give up points we knew the other player had only three tries or so to win so at one point I was out of the game and yelling at Scott to finish the course for the both of us so I could finally have closure. It is possible I was fairly drunk by then.

Just a tad.

A smidgen.

Tiny bit.

Anyway. This morning I managed to dodge a hangover which was good. Less good is the fact that I can't lift my right arm higher then my shoulder without terrible pain. Actually, I can't really lift it at all.

We are both walking around like we have pulled all our torso muscles and grimacing at basic tasks. Yeah. So I think I'm going to have to wait another two years before playing it again.

You know just to be on the safe side.

*Still, don't buy Wii's for people over 60. You might kill them. Just saying. Why take a chance huh?


  1. I have filled the gap with icing. It's always a bad idea.

    Any celebration that has you walking around stiff and sore the next day is a great celebration.

  2. We don't seem to play board games anymore either. Possibly because Yahtzee nearly ended our honeymoon before it had really even started.

  3. We once played a game of monopoly with the mister's family that ended in me giving him my engagement ring back. We... don't play monopoly anymore. Ever. We don't even joke about it. Mr. Moneybags is a true destroyer of love.

    Seriously tho, I wanna meet the person who can tell me that wii golf is a skill they have developed. I've never once been on the winning end of a round of wii golf, and I can't imagine how much time one would have to waste to do just that. Of course, I've never played wii golf sober either... that may have something to do with it.

    1. It's sort of frighting how quickly rational loving adults turn into raging beasts the second a board game appears. It's like you're playing for the championship of the whole world forever and ever. And you know what? I can't ever remember getting that competitive with them as a kid.

  4. My high school sweetheart and I broke up over "The Newlywed Game" and a long and lengthy discussion/argument/near fist fight over the type of tree growing outside our first home together (it was a pine, he was an idiot). Dodged a bullet, I did, and every day I thank Hey-soos for "The Newlywed Game".

  5. There is NO WAY I would not have filled that gap with icing too.
    Even if I'd been forewarned not to.