Getting Electrical and that Septic System.

So you all remember my various subtle hints that getting the septic system in place this year was the most important thing ever in the history of ever? You know that if we didn't get it installed that the permit would run out and we would have to reapply and that there is a new law going into effect in 2014 that would make the your-place-is-super-wet-so-you-need-a-class-two-system-but-we-don't-want-to-give-you-a-permit-because-with-that-many-acres-you-should-be-able-to-put-in-a-drain-field saga that involved two separate people spending like an hour on the phone with the state fiasco look like fucking child's play.

So we called the septic guys. And then we called them again. And then we called them again. And by 'we' I mean 'Scott.' And then my stress levels shot up to 100 and things started to hurt when I ate them and then the motherfucking septic people called us back and told us they would be out next week. However they also told us that we needed to have a permanent power drop for them and that temporary power wasn't going to work.

Well fuck.

So what followed was Scott going out and buying a book about not fucking the ever loving shit out of residential power. Then we went to the local electrical stuff store, got a lot of advice from a guy named Arnold or Alex or Adam or fuck it I can't remember and then I spent like 200$ on stuff that I had no idea what it did and then I fantasized about when I used to be able to buy fruit and not have scurvy, and then we got in the truck and drove home.

And by drove home I mean that we made it halfway up the mountain before a piece of the damn conduit blew out the back and I had to chase it down and shove it back in the truck before I got ran over by a coal truck or someshit and then we went home and I curled up in the fetal position and played Skyrim until the world seemed like a better place.

Cause you know, dragons and thieves and stabbing and shit totally make the world a better place. Oh and fire hands. Can't forget those fire hands.

So then we get it all home and Scott does things I don't understand while I stack firewood because of course I would be ordering and stacking firewood during all this, and then Scott confesses that he doesn't understand how the grounds are supposed to work and that this is nothing that he really understands and that he is going to have to call someone to fix it up for him and I said okay whatever you need while I mentally saw the new water heater I needed to buy flying away on adorable little feathered wings.

I mean, like, I am sure that having hot water is optional right? I mean it's not like I have to bathe every day. Or do the dishes. Or wash clothes. Nope. Not me. That never happens.

Fuck.

Anywho, Scott calls the electric guy he picked out and the electric guy is all like, I can't come today, I have a major job, and I am kinda backed up, but I might be able to do tomorrow but it will be like early and then Scott was all like okay.

So then they show up and reveal that they have like, 50 fucking people who need work done and the only reason they were able to get us in was that they had a meeting to go to and we were along the way.

And then I felt really lucky and also a little bit like an asshole but whatever those other people who are not me are just going to have to suck it. And then we made conversation for a bit and then I had to go do morning things like eating food and putting medication in my cats eyeballs and then they finished and left and then I went over to admire our new electrical box thing. And then that's when Scott said that they had hooked him up with all the numbers to call for the inspection and also that actually getting the power hooked up might be a motherfucking adventure.

And also that the power company should have given us a free box which they totally did not do and now I hate there fucking guts but unfortunately I still need there asses.

And then it turned out that we hit another piece of luck in that the inspector lived like twenty minutes away, so he came that evening and passed us with flying colors and then we did a happy dance and I paid the guy like 70$ and this morning I got the bill for the electric guy and it was like 500$ and then I decided that it's a good thing I have like a job and stuff.

Even if it means I'm going to be living off toast, eggs, spaghetti, powered lemonade and tea for the foreseeable future.

There are worse things.

Things like not having a house.

Or a place to poop that is inside said house.

We got the Building Permit for the House.

So in a fit of madness today, we went and got the building permit for the house. Of course we hadn't really planned on getting it today, but then Scott looked at me and was all like, we should get the building permit this afternoon. And then my brain was all like oh god that will make it real and then we have to build it and what if I run out of money or the foundation explodes or I get house cancer or what if we have like a heat wave forever and then we can never work on it and then the county gets mad and pulls the permit and I have to live in this mobile home forever and no one will love me ever again because I will be a big fat failure.

And then I was all like, sure we can do that. So I threw everything I thought I would need into my bag and then we went on down to the courthouse. Of course I had brought the plans and a copy of the plans and the septic approval paper work and then we get there and all they do is ask us how many square ft and how many bedrooms and make a copy of the septic paper work and then I paid them 50$ for the permit and we left.

I got the impression that they didn't have many people trying to build their own homes because two separate people asked if it was a modular home and then both of them had to hunt down the check mark on the form that said “site build.”

So then I shoved the permit into my bag and we left and I was all happy but inside I was kinda like, that was it? It was harder to get septic approval then it was to get a permit to build the damn house. They didn't even ask what it was going to be made of.

I could've been making a house out of tires and flaming bicycle parts for all they know.

Although that probably won't pass a electrical and plumbing inspection.

So then we came home and worked more on treating the house logs and then we used the backhoe to start clearing the house and septic site and then I kept thinking that this was finally going to happen and then I kept thinking that I should be super ridiculous excited but instead I just felt nervous as hell because now we have to build this house.

So the next step is clearing the house site and waking up in the middle of the night and thinking really? REALLY?

So I feel kinda weird is what I am saying. Like excitement and terror have smashed into each other so hard that I am left with a new emotion that I can't really identify well. It feels exactly like that moment before you dive off a diving board or a cliff or a rope swing into the water.

That feeling.

I suppose I am just waiting for it to sink in, but I somehow suspect it probably won't until I am out there in 80+ degree temperatures pouring a footer.

Or it might sink in tomorrow and I will end up hyperventilating under my desk.

It could go either way really.

That House Thing and Stuff.

Remember that house I said we were going to start building and then said nothing more about because shit just kept breaking.

We're still working on it.

We are currently getting septic approval. Most of it has been to damn boring to blog about. It involved a lot of us sitting in various peoples offices, reading pamphlets, diggings holes, and watching the septic inspector dude draw things on his white board while I pretended I had comprehension of drain field rates. We had inspectors come out and poke at our soil and we ran tests and cursed a whole lot.

Basically our soil is crap.

So are going to have to install the more expensive system which we cannot install ourselves. Which is both bad and good. Bad because it will cost more money, we will have to pay more to maintain it, and it will mean more inspector type people will be tromping around and looking at the ground while making that 'tut tut' noise under their breath.

The good because we don't have to install the system ourselves. Also, it will work. This is a very important point, as WV gets kinda twitchy about people pooping the creek. We can have this system installed and rest assured that it will work. And it if breaks, it's someone else's fault.

The value of that cannot be overrated.

I am still bouncing between excitement about the house and oh my god I will finally have SPACE, and the sweet terror of oh my god I have to BUILD this thing. It's like emotional ping pong. So I have a constant refrain going in the back of my mind that basically sounds like this:

I can't wait till I have my own bathroom connected to the bedroom so Scott and I and the Farm Sitter and anyone else don't have to use the same bathroom. I have always wanted a guest shower and fuck I have to install that. Do I know anything about that? I wonder what kind of moisture barrier I'll need. What if I fuck it up? What if I run out of money and I have to shower in the lawn with a bucket? What if it EXPLODES!?

Ahem.

I'm fine.

Luckily my favorite discount store had just gotten in a whole bunch of books about home building. I shit you not. They had books on framing and wiring and installing tile. I snapped up those four dollar books like they were made of crack (this analogy assumes I am addicted to crack( I am not actually addicted to crack.))

So right now at our mobile home there are books on every building subject under the sun laying around with book marks and highlighters crammed into them. Because the only way to make sure our house is done right is to learn as much as we can before we build the damn thing. You should always be thinking about the next step while you are working and knowing which floors need to be reinforced for tile work and which rooms need the most outlets and where the light fixtures are going to go all has to happen now.

My brain hasn't been this full since collage.

It hurts.

So I am a bundle of nerves. But it's okay, because I, ah, I, um, look it's not fucking okay but it will be because at the end of all this I will have a house.

I hope.

We are going to build a house. Right now.

So we decided to start building a house this year. And by start building, I mean install a septic system because West Virgina doesn't want people just pooping in the creek.

It all came about because the Internet died. Remember that 500ft of Cat 5 we ran from one mobile home to the other? And remember how that sort of worked but then didn't? Yeah. So we came to the conclusion that we have to build the house. Closer to the internet.

It is the only way.

So we went to town and talked to the department of health, and they gave us a booklet and told us that we had to have a test done so they can make sure we have enough drainage. Or maybe we need too much drainage and okay maybe I didn't read the damn book.

Whatever.

Or course we are still a long way away from actually, you know building the thing.

You know, when you plan your dream house you have things that you want. Beautiful unique awesome things that you dream about having and plan on having and day dream about when you should be thinking about other things.

Now, to prepare yourself for the real experience, take about half of those things that you wanted, and maybe more if you are really poor, and just wipe them off the map.

Then your ready to build!

Ha ha ha! Isn't this exciting!

Oh god.

I have been torn between Oh god we are finally going to build a house I have been waiting years and years for this moment when we would finally start and it's going to be the best house ever in the whole world and Oh god we are going to have to actually build a house and what If we screw it up and county won't let us live there and everyone laughs at us and then I die alone in gutter because I am a failure at life and everything?

So I've pretty much been bouncing back and forth between giddy excitement and terror.

Whee!

Yeah. So we are still busy trying to do all of those things that we need to prior to this house idea. Like fix the driveway and move the bunnies because there shed is smack in the way and pulling fence posts out of the house site and finding places to rent an auger because the septic test involves way too many holes to dig by hand.

And SWEET BANANA MONKEYS I AM GOING TO BUILD A MOTHER FUCKING HOUSE AND NO I WILL NOT STOP SHOUTING BECAUSE HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE!

With rooms and a staircase and plumbing and electricity and walls that don't give slightly when you press on them and more then two outlets in the kitchen and, and everything.

Squee!