Building the Solar Kiln.

So today in a fit of can do spirit we started on the solar kiln. Scott drew up two plans, and then we argued over the merits of each one and then we picked the one that looked the most complicated to build because of course we did. Then Scott went to town to pick up the plywood we would need and some cat food because there would be no way to build this without Tom Tom Tiger trying to sleep on it and then I took the dog for a walk and then Scott got back and then we got the plans and got started.

First we built the floor and then the floor support thingamajigs and then there was a whole lot of cutting old boards from the barn into the right thickness. Of course the plan mostly existed in Scott's head, with a token out of perspective drawing propped up on the front of the blazer that doesn't run right now because this is the country and we have to have at least one vehicle that doesn't work.

So for me I spent a lot of time measuring old barn boards and bringing them up and then we put things together that I had no idea what they were other then rectangles because Scott was the undisputed leader and I can tell you right now that is possible to mark, measure and screw together boards without the slightest idea what you are putting together.

Eventually though to begin to make sense.

The final structure will be a trapezoid, with one long angled wall that will lift up to allow us to load it with logs. Also there will need to some sort of rack or something that keeps the logs from touching because air flow or log cooties or some shit. I dunno this is Scott's brain child because my plan of coating the logs in preserver was a big fat fucking failure.

Whatever, I am over that now. Here have a picture:

So these will make a trapezoid. Somehow. Possibly with magic. And I am sure this will all make sense in the next post. Or maybe it won't and the whole thing will catch on fire and we will agree never to speak of this again. 

Whichever.

So we built the main walls and then realized that we were missing key bits like hinges and adhesive and the energy left to give a damn so we quit for the day and just hoped that we didn't have to go anywhere in a hurry because without really intending to we had blocked in our car with carpentry.

It happens.

Anyway now all that's left is to build the end pieces and the fiddly shit and then we, uh, do whatever else that needs to happen that I don't know about because this is all in Scott's brain and I can't read minds.

Well I can't really read minds. We have been married long enough I can kinda do it, but mostly I end up reading shit like “This person is weirding me out right now please save me or call my phone or text me or something” and “I hope that movie I bought is good and I am fantasizing about what I want it to be right now instead of what I am supposed to be doing” and “I think what you are doing is stupid but I don't want to hurt your feelings so I am going to try not to involve myself or say anything” and “I am thinking through this problem and the solution is evading me because it's a dick like that” and “I just woke up what are you talking about/what's going on/it's too early for information” and “wow I am like super bored right now” and “I'm hungry but I don't know what I want to eat -are you eating anything good right now? But I can't look too interested because then you will think I am judging you and you will think you are fat even though you are not fat because we just like shoveled a shit ton of gravel around.”

Unfortunately I can't read building plans out of his head. Or anybodies head. Or even if I could that would suck because it would be, like the worst kind of super power ever and I don't think that it would stop any crimes. I don't even think that I could use it to be a super villain because I am pretty sure that architecture spying isn't even a real thing. Even though I kinda wish it was because then The Fountainhead would have been like a million times better and probably contained less rape.

And also more super villains. Architecture super villains.

Also I forgot what we were talking about. Oh right the solar kiln. We are building one. And it's not even evil.

That I know of.

For all I know it could be plotting against us right now.

Probably not though.

I haven't detected that “I'm making this structure into a living embodiment of pure evil” vibe from Scott yet. Stick around though because we are not done and we might end up dousing this thing in holy water while yelling about the spirit of Christ.

What?

It could happen.

Rabbit Hutches Day 5 & 6 the Finishing

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 My new bunny condos. They will be pimpin it yo.

Today it was hot. Like way too much sweat on the goddamned under boob hot. Which meant that we didn't actually start working until around, oh, 7pm or so. Luckily a thunderstorm had passed over head and took the outside temperature down to bearable.

Like all projects we had worked on it sporadically over the past few days as out schedules permitted. So the doors got made and the outside painted which Scott had to do by himself because I had to treat the entire house mobile home for fleas. It was better that he wasn't in the house. It was better for everyone.*

And of course we had done minor things to it around our other tasks but this evening was the big push. So we fixed up a few minor odds and ends and then we put the goddamned roof on.

So to began with we had to add some wire at the top of the cage dividers because I figured that if we said, “eh rabbits can't jump that high” that Mr. Bun would find his way into Miss Bun's cage and we would have a whole other problem on our hands. Unfortunately this involved me climbing into the cage which was actually big enough to accommodate that fairly well, except that I had to put all of my wight on the center beam because I did not want my ass to come crashing down through the wire. Also The staple gun is evil. Evil I tell you.

I have this theory that staple guns were made for those old timey men in those weird weight lifter outfits with the hands that could crush walnuts. For everyone else we are just fucked. So instead of the staple going into the wood flush with the surface they always stick out slightly and it bothers me. Also I kept missing the wire and having to put in more staples.

Also, Scott was working on the roof at the time which meant that I was hearing what sounded like two giant metal robot butterflies have a battle above me while he slid the metal roof pieces in place.

Fun.

Then we had to trim off the excess roofing. My job was to hold the roofing up so he could cut it and also keep the roofing from cutting his face open when he finished a piece cause roofing is a bitch like that. We also realized that we should have been wearing hearing protecting but at that point it was kinda too late to do anything about it.

Whoops.

I also learned that holding metal roofing while someone else sawzalls it means your hands will go kinda numb. Kinda.

But we got it done and found that we had enough daylight left to move the rabbits out of the hot narrow shed that they had been living in and into their new bunny condos. Despite the fact that the old cages were shitty and I could only get one arm in a time and everyone who had ever owned a rabbit just cringed because they know exactly what I am talking about (think rabbit ping pong with your hand as the paddle.)

However once the nervousness wore off they seemed to quite happy. They were playing with their hay and exploring their nest boxes and hopping around and enjoying the fact they finally had SPACE! These new hutches are more then twice what they had in their cages and I fully expect that come morning I will find them sprawled out in happy exhaustion after spending the whole cool of the night rearranging their hay and putting things to rights.

Meaning that they will be doing the bunny equivalent of hanging pictures and moving the coffee table around.

And nobody died and nothing exploded.

So I'm counting this as a win.

*There was a point that he had me pass him a clean shirt through the door, plus his phone and some deodorant so he could go to town. I'm not really sure he needed anything in town, but there you go.

 Confused? Here's Part 1.

Rabbit Hutches Day 4 The Sawdusting.

We came, we sawed and we conquered.

Today we did the framing, put the cage dividers in, put the plywood on the roof and covered it with roofing paper. Everything went pretty well.

No, it actually did this time.

Okay, so there was the one bit where we were using a chainsaw because we did not want to drag the generator all the way down there and we didn't trim one post at the correct angle and then we tried to trim it by hand but then we hit a screw that we couldn't get back out of the wood and now we had to drag the motherfucking sawzall down there anyway.

Or the bit where we test fitted the door but then when we came back to install it it was too large. I am blaming that of fucking witches because that goddamned door fit like a dream until we needed to put on the hinges.

Or the thunderstorm that was menacing us and rumbling until it started sprinkling and then we were all like 'oh we had better put shit away now before the real rain starts.' So I ran up and put everything away which involved wrestling the table saw into the shed by myself and then we rushed to throw the roof plywood up and slap on the roofing paper and then it never did rain really and the sun came out.

Motherfucking weather.

Plus I got sawdust both down my shit and then of course into my damn bra. If you are a man you may not be able to grasp this, ah sensation, but it's pretty much like rubbing your nips on sandpaper. Oh and also got sawdust in my eye somehow, despite the eye protection which I am beginning to think is against me somehow.

Yeah. But other then that it went pretty damn well. We just have to put on the metal roofing, make the other three doors, add nest/bedroom/hang out n' party boxes and then paint the damn thing.

So hopefully this project will keep rocking along like this and nothing terrible will happen to it.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

I just jinxed it didn't I?

Fuck.

Want more Rabbit Hutch Adventures? Or course you do Here's Part 5 & 6.

Confused? Here's Part 1.

Rabbit Hutches Day 3 The Pour

Today, today we poured the concrete slab. It was slabby.

There was the obligatory run to town in the middle of it because we only had half the concrete we needed, and the usual feeling that I have coated all my sinus cavities in concrete dust because I can never remember to put on goddamned dust mask.

Other then that it went well.

Except for the part where I accidentally set a 94 pound bag of concrete down on my own foot. I know it was 94 pounds because it said so on the bag. Helpfully. In big block letters. I know you all think I am strong for a girl, and I am, but now I know my limits. It's 94 pounds. Specifically my right foot knows my limits.

The worst part was that I couldn't pull my foot out from under the bag of doom because I was afraid of ripping it and seeing my hard earned effort spill out all over the lawn. I had to call Scott over to help me, only to realize that the way I was standing meant that he couldn't help me at all which meant he got to stand there while I slowly heaved a bag of cement off my foot.

Fun.

The other problem, which is a classic example of not thinking things through on my part, was that I put the leaky ass motherfucking hose uphill from me. Which of course turned mixer land into a clay mud mess that tried to both make me slip off my feet and also suck my shoes off.

As pours go this was a small one, but I still woke up extra early. Even though our hey lets go buy more supplies because we are bad at eyeballing quantity like that still meant we were working through part of the heat of the day.

But it's done now. And I resisted my urge to go draw penises in it or something equally juvenile. Only to discover that one of the cats had already tagged it with her gang sign while I was having lunch. Or at least I assume that was her gang sign.*

Bitch ass cat.

Anyway the sun is setting and I am tired and I still have cement gunk on my arms that showering and sink scrubbing and cursing the cruel hand of fate have yet to remove, so I am going to stop typing this shit and go scrub my arms some more.

Hey, do you think I could use the pot scrubber?

No?

Oh well.

UPDATE: Yeah, have you ever tried washing your own arms off in the kitchen sink? I wouldn't recommend it.

*It was a perfect, neat paw print, made into the right side about as far as she could reach without having to actually step onto the stab. You can't convince me that wasn't deliberate.

 

Want more Rabbit Hutch Adventures? Or course you do Here's Part 4. 

Confused?  Here's Part 1.

Building Rabbit Hutches.

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So today we started construction on four rabbit hutches that we kinda need to make because the buns are currently living in a falling down shed that is slowly dying around them. Also the shed is the middle of the field, a hot sunny weedy ass field.

So we are moving them under the trees by the chicken coup where they will not get slow roasted during the summer so maybe I won't have to keep bringing them frozen bottles of water to keep them cool. Not that it worked anyway because they seem to think that the bottles are the devil sent from hell to destroy them and wont sit anywhere near the damn things.

Ingrates.

Anyway, our plan was to build one long hutch that would be divided into four sections. Even though I only have three rabbits because you never know when you could need another cage for something in a hurry because life is unpredictable like that.

So today was spent preparing to pour a cement slab to put it on. Why are we pouring a slab you ask? Because I live on top of a fucking mountain and we routinely get 60-80 mile on hour winds in the winter and I don't want my rabbit homes to do a face plant into a foot of snow.

That might put them off there feed a bit.

So we are embedding the posts into the concrete and praying that nature doesn't see that as a challenge.

So today we used my personal hero, King the backhoe, to dig out the area where the slab will go. Which was awesome because backhoes are fucking sweet and don't let anyone tell you different. And digging by hand sucks big time.

What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. Well we did have to dig by hand a little to level it out, but mostly it was good. Then we did a bunch of boring shit like making the frame for the concrete pour and leveling it, and also adding rocks to the hole slip form style* to make it appear like we had actually out in a stone foundation for this thing even though we haven't because we are fucking crazy. And willing include stonework into every project we do even though it might not be necessary.

Right.

Then we had to put in gravel which is nowhere near the build site because that would make sense. So we loaded up King and then it kinda occurred to us that it was like six and we we both starving so we kinda gave up on working for the day and went and ate dinner.

And by 'give up on working for the day' I mean that we ate dinner and then cleaned the site and prepared a path to get the wheelbarrow in and then Scott made a batch of beer and I vacuumed the floors and wrote this entry and cleaned out Miss Peeperington's cage. And took a shower.

You know what? I think I'm just going to go to sleep.

Probably in this chair.

* Slip form stone work is stone veneer done by smashing rocks up against the inside of a set of forms and then backfilling the forms with cement. Therefore the mason works blind, and cannot see the final face until he or she is done. Also, with this system, rocks can and will pop off the face and need to be shoved back in, as well as chipping off the excess cement that has oozed out between the rocks. It's really not a very good method at all, but if you want to learn more you will just have to Google it cause I am actually writing this a 10 at night and feel like I have been run over by a freight train. 

Want more Rabbit Hutch Adventures? Or course you do Here's Part 2.

 

We are going to build a house. Right now.

So we decided to start building a house this year. And by start building, I mean install a septic system because West Virgina doesn't want people just pooping in the creek.

It all came about because the Internet died. Remember that 500ft of Cat 5 we ran from one mobile home to the other? And remember how that sort of worked but then didn't? Yeah. So we came to the conclusion that we have to build the house. Closer to the internet.

It is the only way.

So we went to town and talked to the department of health, and they gave us a booklet and told us that we had to have a test done so they can make sure we have enough drainage. Or maybe we need too much drainage and okay maybe I didn't read the damn book.

Whatever.

Or course we are still a long way away from actually, you know building the thing.

You know, when you plan your dream house you have things that you want. Beautiful unique awesome things that you dream about having and plan on having and day dream about when you should be thinking about other things.

Now, to prepare yourself for the real experience, take about half of those things that you wanted, and maybe more if you are really poor, and just wipe them off the map.

Then your ready to build!

Ha ha ha! Isn't this exciting!

Oh god.

I have been torn between Oh god we are finally going to build a house I have been waiting years and years for this moment when we would finally start and it's going to be the best house ever in the whole world and Oh god we are going to have to actually build a house and what If we screw it up and county won't let us live there and everyone laughs at us and then I die alone in gutter because I am a failure at life and everything?

So I've pretty much been bouncing back and forth between giddy excitement and terror.

Whee!

Yeah. So we are still busy trying to do all of those things that we need to prior to this house idea. Like fix the driveway and move the bunnies because there shed is smack in the way and pulling fence posts out of the house site and finding places to rent an auger because the septic test involves way too many holes to dig by hand.

And SWEET BANANA MONKEYS I AM GOING TO BUILD A MOTHER FUCKING HOUSE AND NO I WILL NOT STOP SHOUTING BECAUSE HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE!

With rooms and a staircase and plumbing and electricity and walls that don't give slightly when you press on them and more then two outlets in the kitchen and, and everything.

Squee!

Retaining Walls Are Evil

Have you ever had one of those moments in life where you were living with the horrible implications of a very simple statement? Like for instance, when you are out on a beach in the middle of summer with your friends and no one brought sunscreen and your skin was burny, hot and itchy all day. And then you tell some smart ass who says something like 'well, the sun is very hot.' I experienced the same thing for past the past three days. My simple statement?

Rocks are fucking heavy.

We are building a retaining wall. You know those things the keep steep embankments from just loosing there shit and falling the fuck down? And to make one that works, you have to use very big rocks. Huge rocks. Motherfucking as much as I can do to lift the damn thing rocks.

Only a shit ton more to go!

  

My back hates me and everything I stand for now.

The highlights of this motherfucking rock triathlon are as follows:

Climbing down a near vertical embankment because that's where all the good rocks were. I would grab onto a tree root and gently lower myself down until I could get my foot onto something. Have you ever done the thing where your footing goes and you just pedal madly as dirt runs under your feet like a fucking treadmill? 'Cause I damn well have. But I got that rock. It was a sweet rock you guys. If you had seen it you totally would have understood.*

Pulling so hard to get a rock loose that the pick slipped and I fell into a brier patch and cut up my right arm.

Getting stabbed in the thigh, arm and hand by a prickler tree. **

Almost getting my boot ripped off by the mud while getting backfill.

Getting my hair caught in a pine tree.

This is just the icing on the cake here people. It's been three days of shoving backfill and backhoeing a ditch and moving heavy rocks. Everything is pain, now.

Everything is pain.

* This might not be true. I might just be crazy.

** Okay, so I don't know what their called, but they have like two inch spikes. WTF kinda plant has two inch spikes outside of a goddamed desert?

Want more retaining wall adventure? Here's part two.

 

The Chick Coup Saga: The Roof

So over the past week we tore down the old chicken coup. And by we I mean Scott. I mostly helped move boards around and generally tried to look busy and vital to the process.

The first step was to remove the old metal roof, which would become the new metal roof through the use of the magic of reusing. Scott fought his way on top of the structure, which I missed because I was paying the fuel oil guy money for precious, precious heat. I think I can capture the experience with these carefully selected quotes:

“This roof pitch is steeper then I thought.”

“Okay, it's very slippery up here. Really slippery.”

“Here tie a knot around the hammer and the crow bar so I can pull it up. If you tie it like that the crowbar will fall out and hit you... this is an interesting knot.”

Once the roof was down Scott bashed the building apart with a sledge hammer over a period of about two days. If you are wondering why I didn't get to use the sledge hammer, it's because I wield a hammer like a drunk monkey. I have no ability to aim. Anything with hammer in the name is like my Kryptonite. If you named a drink The Hammer I would toss it back and hit myself in the eye.

Anyway, the actual putting on of the roof went fast, since we did not have to cut any pieces. Scott was up on the roof and I just handed him up sections.

Immediately after we had placed on the last bit it started to snow. We have about an inch outside. Don't be fooled into thinking the weather was on our side though. It's not. It was trying so hard to snow all morning and fuck up our plans, it was just late to the party. You could almost hear the weather shouting for us not to work so fast. It's just up there lurking. Waiting. Watching.

Me paranoid? Never. That's crazy.

Want More Chicken Coup Adventure? Here's The Final Part. (Thank God.)

Chicken Coup 2: The Revenge

Okay so we got the roof plywood up, and the tar/roofing paper/whatever the fuck you call it up and on, so the roof should be able to withstand the rain. We also put up the most of the OSB on the inside, and cut it out for the windows and managed to install one.

Long story short, my whole body hurts. Let me tell you something about using a Sawzall while on a ladder that is sitting in about 5 inches of mud. It sucks ass. I don't seem to have whatever amount of upper body strength that is required to hold the thing and saw with it at the same time. Also, when you least suspect it, it will catch on something and push back at you violently. It is like the Sawzall is waiting for you to let your guard down so it can throw you backwards off the ladder. Kinda like that scene in the lion king where Scar throw Mufasa off the cliff face but instead of having a herd of wildebeest below me I have a bunch of rocks and old boards with nails sticking out of them.

I hate the Sawzall deeply is what I'm saying. With the passion of a thousand fiery suns.

It hurts to type. Also, I have a bunch of other projects I'm neglecting. Like you know, digging that Internet trench and getting some Mobile Home Insurance. Yay. Hope this place doesn't burn to the ground anytime soon.

I just hope that we can finish this thing before Friday, because I have a job I have to go to and it's an overnight thing meaning Holly won't be sleeping very much. After this week I think I'm going to laze around and play video games until my brains come out of my ears. And get fat.

I am going to lay around and look at he Internet now.

Want More Chicken Coup Adventure? Here's Part Three.