The Happiest Radio Station in the Whole Wide World

I have to explain that I hate the radio. My husband is a news addict. This would be fine, there is nothing wrong with being informed, it's just I don't want to listen to the news all the time. In the car. In the house, streaming live off the net. All the time. It never stops.

The stories are never good either. This is not uplifting. I do not like hearing people who sound emotionless and dead telling me about how the earth opened up and literally swallowed a two month old child while her mother had to claw her way to freedom and nobody knew what happened to the kid until her body was found two days later.*

This is why I think that I should make a Radio News Station, but it will only report on happy things. Things like puppies being saved out of storm drains, and the successful birth of rare and adorable animals at the zoo.

We will have the rainbow report, in which we will report on how many rainbows happened worldwide that day, and also people can call in with unicorn sightings.

If the traffic is bad we won't report it. So there will be a lot of traffic reports at 3:00am. “Every things is all clear here Tom, no accidents to report, all lanes are wide open. It's a perfect night to be on the roads.” Same with the weather. Or alternatively, we will only give weather reports from areas that have nice weather. “It's another bright beautiful day here in Florida Tom, sunny with a high of 75. Another perfect, perfect, day.”

There will be a portion of the show where we read emails sent to us about peoples good luck, their well behaved children, and their obedient, loving pets. We will devote the morning hours to reports of people who have achieved their dreams, such as getting that big raise/job they have been wanting, finally selling a painting, or finishing up construction on their dream homes. For the early morning news, we will only talk about happy stories, like counties signing peace deals, or putting in new hospitals and the like.

I think it will be the best radio station ever.

*This was a actual news story on yesterday. Sink holes are a bitch.