Interior Design. I think I understand it now.
I like my living spaces to be comfortable. I like how a well thought out room leaves a person feeling calm and at peace. If my living space is too dirty and cluttered I can't think and I start to get depressed. (Let the fact that I am writing this instead of cleaning go unmentioned.)
However, if I read enough design blogs, I start to get very cynical, very fast. I live in a mobile home. I line furniture up along the walls because that is the only place it will go. I have to move mountains of crap and slay a dust bunny the size of a small dog to find an electrical socket. None of your small space living tips will help me. I am beyond help. If I were to write a design blog for mobile homes, it would tell you to just burn the damn thing to the ground and use the insurance money to build a small house.
That isn't what annoys me though. Mobile home owners aren't expected to have Internet at all, let alone read design blogs. No what makes me mad is looking at all of these 'room transformations.' Here is how a room transformation works.
Step 1: Paint everything white. Oh I know they claim its Benjamin Moore Ships keel white with a blue base to represent the sky on a winters day, but it's god damned white you god damned well know it is.
Step 2: Paint one wall, or the floor, or the cabinets a wacky fun color. Party Red, or butter yellow, or remorsefulness green.
Step 3: Buy shit from Ikea. For that clean modern Swedish look. What ever asstastic furniture you had before goes back in 'to add some flair.'
Step 4: Go buy one of those rugs that look they they are real fur but aren't. Lay rug in a high traffic area because you obviously do have any pets, children or spouses. Also, rugs that say hand wash only are good too!
Step 5: Go to Target, or in a pinch, Hobby Lobby. Buy decorative shit that has no use what so ever. I'm talking things like a basket filled with wooden balls. Or mason jars filled with sticks. Or a glass bowl filled with tree back. Bonus points if the objects are impossible or near impossible to clean. (I'm looking at you vase filled with moss!)
Step 6: This is tricky step, because it involves never touching things in your house again. I'm pretty sure you'll learn to live with it however, because the alternative is too mess up your perfect, perfect house.
And there you have it folks, Holly's guide to Interior Design and Decorating. Up next on my helpful series, we will explore why having a small hobby farm means that nothing will ever be clean again.