Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I've Done a Bad Thing.

I have done a bad thing. I purchased a TV. For my office. An expensive TV. The conversation mainly went like this.

“Hey Scott, can you help me hook my PS3 up to the TV in my office?”

“Huh? What TV?”

“You know the one that's the size of our car. The shitty one.”

“Why would you want to do that? That TV sucks and your PS3 has an HDMI cable.”

“I know, but I can't hear my game when you are playing your music. It was all like ' the magic Urn of Ashes is BWAA-MOW-MOW-BWAAANNGG-your most important quest.' I ended up killing an entire village and I'm not even sure if I was supposed to.”

“I could have just turned it down. Why don't you just buy another TV?”

“I can do that. I have money! I'm an adult! But I really shouldn't.”

“Why not. You don't usually go out and buy anything.”

“Get in the car. Were going to Walmart.”

“There's a blizzard outside.”

“We are also out of cheese.”

“I'll warm up the car.”

Which is how I ended up wrestling a giant 32' inch TV into the shopping cart at the Walmart. I could have got the smaller one but it wasn't out which meant that I would have had to talk to the employees and almost nothing is worth that.

I also bought a bottle of red wine, because I wanted to forget how much I was going to be spending on this thing. This is retrospect, was a mistake.

We got said TV home and Scott both simultaneously made dinner and hooked up my TV. Which is why I love him. He handed me the remote and went to go ladle food onto plates. This was it. The moment of impulse buy glory. I flipped on the TV and turned on the PS3. Which is when I received the first error message stating that the PS3 had not been properly shut down (it had been) and needed to do a system restore.

I do not know what a system restore means but in my mind it meant this:

System restore = all your game saves and updates are shit gone.

This was followed immanently by the TV screen turning blue and an error message, this time from the TV itself telling me that it was not compatible with the PS3 because of the screen refresh rate. So let me recap here. My PS3 is trying to system restore and I can't help it because the TV won't let me see it anymore.

I. Freaked. The. Fuck. Out.

Have you ever wanted to see me lose my shit? Like really lose it? I was so close to having my brain synapses just start fucking exploding right that minute. I think I ate three whole bites of dinner while feverishly flipping through the TV manual. Scott assured me he would fix it. He got to enjoy dinner with a crazy person that night, as I kept muttering things about how ' the HDMI connection was a lie' and 'sweet Jesus what have I done' and 'why god why.'

Scott went into my office to try to fix the TV. Now often is these situations it's better that I am not in the room. It's better for everyone. But I could not stay away. I peeked around the door to see him fiddling with the remote. He asked me which HDMI port I was in and then hit two buttons and it worked.

The TV. The PS3. Like nothing had ever happened.

I still do not know how he did it. If he had not been in the room with me I would have thrown myself at my PS3 and held it in my arms until it was okay again. But I didn't I followed Scott back to kitchen where my eyes fell on that bottle of wine.

The bottle of wine that I ended up drinking most of. It was terrible. It was from the Walmart. But I did it anyway. Have you ever been at that tipping point of drinking, where you ask yourself if you want to get any drunker and you know you shouldn't? I did.

Which is how I ended up having to get vomit out of my nostrils at 2 am. 

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