I am drinking wine right now, as I type this. That should give you an indication of how today went. Events were set in motion when the inner tube for the backhoe tire arrived. We gathered around, unpacked it, and immediately realized it was huge. Like ridiculously huge. You know back when you were a kid and you got a flat on your bicycle tire, how you would have to take the inner tube out and replace it?
This is just like that. Except that inner tube is like the size of a cat and this inner tube is the size of a rhino.
So you know, a tad bit heavier.
Then were all like, yay we can install it! And then we were all like, how do we install it? So we watched two Youtube videos of people taking backhoe tires off of the rims. One was of a group of fat guys in some sort of auto body shop where they jumped up and down on the tire and used this special magical tool and cursed a lot and giggled at each other like little school girls when one of them fucked up.
The second video we watched was in Spanish.
A group of Hispanic guys, still using there magical tire taking off and putting on tool, wrestled the tire off of the rim. One guy was dressed really, really, well. Like dress shirt and vest well. Scott kept making comments like, “look right there, they are using the same pry bars we have” or “Look how hard he is struggling with that” or “I think we will have to use a mallet to take that off as well.” While I kept saying things like “Why is he dressed so well to take a freakin tire off?” Along with “I don't speak Spanish, but I just know what the camera guy is doing is giving them unnecessary advice” and “stop filming his ass and film the tire FOCUS! FOCUS!”
Sometimes it's amazing we get anything done at all.
Now, lest I have confused you, the videos were about taking the tire off the rim. Not removing the rim and tire from the backhoe. Removing the rim and tire from the backhoe should be easy, just like taking a tire off a car right?
Ha ha ha huaaugghhh.
Yep. Also, about this point it started to snow. Not ones to be intimidated by a little thing like the weather, we trooped outside and began. First we found the correct socket, and a breaker bar to go with it, and went out to the tire. Optimistically we put the bar onto the bolt and heaved.
So we sat and looked at it for a while. Then Scott went and got some sort of oil in a can that is supposed to be magic at loosing bolts or some shit I don't understand, applied it to the bolts, and then went and got a six foot long schedule 40 pipe. So we put the breaker bar back on and put the pipe on the end of the handle because leverage motherfuckers. So we got out our fucking grrrr faces on, and pushed.
So then we repositioned the bar so that we were pulling down, and he held the ratchet while I hung my entire body weight off of the bar. Which did nothing but threaten to break the ratchet. So we stopped.
Then we went back inside where it was not snowing. Then we cursed. Then we called my uncle. Who said we could borrow a few tools. So we drove to his house, in the snow, got the tools, got a run down of how much this was really gonna suck, got back in the car and drove home in the snow.
So tomorrow, in the snow, in 27 degree weather, we are going to attempt to take the tire off of the backhoe. Oh you know that magical tool they were using to take the tire off the rim?
Which means that Holly is never going to own one. Which means that even if we remove the tire and rim from King (I named my backhoe King) we will be trying to pull the tire off of the rim with pry bars and wishes and cursing and tears of poverty.
So, ah, may god have mercy on our souls?