Saturday, February 16, 2013

So King the Backhoe has a Flat Tire.

Sometime during this arctic snow filled winter, we looked out the window to discover that King the backhoe was leaning a whole lot to the right. When the snow finally melted we discovered that the right rear tire was flat. You know, the huge rear tire that backhoes have, right? The one the makes you question who thought it was a good idea in the first place to make a tire that size?

Yeah that one.

So then we were all like fuck. Then Scott reinflated it with fix-a-flat and did some other weird ass shit to it that I didn't understand and probably involved sorcery somehow. You know, because if Scott had magic powers he would totally spend them fixing tires. Because healing and lightning hands are over rated. Anyway, we were all like, whelp that solves the problem.

Until a week later, when it was flat again.

So then Scott was like, we are going to have to buy another tire. And I was all like, how much do tires cost? And he was all like, I dunno. And I was all like, to the Internet!

So then we discovered that they START at 400$. START. As in the lowest price you are ever gonna see. As in you will never see one cheaper then this that is usable. As in there goes your food budget for like, two fucking months hope you enjoy your off brand Raman Noodles.

So after I blacked out from price overload and woke up on the floor, we decided that we needed to come up with a plan. A better plan. So we started to ask around. Anybody. Everybody.

Then we asked my uncle. Who asked his friend who also owns a backhoe. And he said to just to buy a inner tube, and stick it our currently tubeless tire, and then do some shit I don't understand that involves patching the tire from the inside* and then do some more shit I really, really don't understand**, and then we will have a fully functional tire!

So we went online and looked up the price of tubes. Have you ever done that thing where you do a search and then you lean really far back from the monitor because you are kinda afraid of what you might see there? Well we did that and then we found out the price.

It was 64$. Not six thousand. 64 freakin dollars. Thank the dear lord sweet baby Jesus.

I would also like to take this moment to point out that my uncle should be made a saint at this point. Or maybe we could all get together and try to make him the pope. Except that would cut into his life of delivering mail and watching movies with explosions in them.

Anyway, stay tuned for updates as do terrible, horrible arcane things to our backhoe tire.

Really, from your end, it only gets better from here.

*This sounds like a nightmare to try to do.

** This sounds like the kind of nightmare where I have to lick Satans butthole.


  1. I hope you don't really have to lick Satan's butthole, but $64 is a whole lot cheaper than $400. I'll wait until after the tire is fixed to mention how cool I think it is that you actually have a backhoe in your yard.

  2. Sounds like your uncle has the same idea that I was thinking. Except, I wonder if you have fluid in that tire? Most tractors and back hoe's here have that foe weight. If it does, sounds like a service call from the tire shop to me.

    I've fixed them before. It's really a crappy job. good luck! :)

  3. Man, that sounds like a major pain in the ass. I haven't the faintest idea how you would go about fixing a ginormous flat tire with an inner tube, or any tube, really. And what do you use to jack up a back hoe so you can change the tire?

    Okay, off to google back hoe jack.

    1. You just use the hydraulic stabilizer feet to lift it up. Oh then you pile wood and boards and crap under it so that if that fails it won't crush you. Pretty technical. Yes. Technical.