Thursday, February 28, 2013

Removing the Tire from the Rim and the Taste of Failure.

Let me start, dear readers, by saying that today, was extremely, really, a whole lot, magnificently, ball shitingly cold. Let me put it this way. The high for the day was 21 degrees with a 40 mile an hour wind with a wind chill factor of 16 degrees. Oh and it was snowing.


Out adventure to remove the tire the other day had only resulted in cursing and swearing and accusing each other of doing it wrong. If I had thought that removing the tire from the backhoe was the hard part, I had no idea what was in store for me now.

This is what failure looks like.

Now, when ever I had seen someone pry the tire off the rim, they were using something called a tire spoon. Which I do not own. Also, as I mentioned before, tire spoons for backhoe tires cost around 200$. Which means I am never going to own one.

Which meant that we were trying to pry the tire off the rim using, two huge pry bars meant for digging, a large but weird squarish pry bar meant for who knows what, a crow bar, two smaller pry bars, a mallet and a sledgehammer.

We coated the tire rim with hot soapy water like the videos had showed, shoved the pry bars under the tire rim, lifted one small section of the tire up, and proceeded to make no progress whatsoever at all ever.

So today we awoke, the taste of failure still lingering in our mouths, and we came up with a plan. And by we I mean Scott. And by plan I mean that he walked into the living room where I was cleaning up something, and told me we needed to build a forge.

His plan in a nutshell, was to take the weird ass square pry bar that we have never used for anything, and make a goddamned tire spoon. I said okay we can do that. Because if there is one thing I've learned it's when life gives you land, you put a forge on it. Except of course that it was 16 degrees outside and snowing sideways. Scott suggesting using the wood stove, I suggested not making the house smell like ass. So we came up with a new plan, a better plan.

We would just grind the pry bar down, into the shape of a tire spoon.

There was no way this could go wrong!*

So we put on our war outfits. We needed not only to be wearing safety glasses, and dust masks, but also needed to be as warm as possible without wearing anything that we couldn't clean right away because metal flakes.

I am not proud. I am ninja.

You know what, this is one of those pictures that really defines my life. I look like a hobo from the poor planet in outer space, wearing a hat that looks like it belongs to a blind 12 year girl, preparing to go outside in the middle of a shit balls cold winter to make a tool I can't afford to do a job that I don't fully understand so I can fix a piece of machinery I can't even drive.

You know, I have lived this life and even I have trouble understanding how I got here.

So anyway we get ready and pumped up and stagger to the shed against the wind and prop the door open and fit new disks into the grinders and I hold the bar while Scott works. All in all it went pretty well, even though the wind was the coldest thing ever in the history of ever and the shed doesn't have windows so we have to keep the door open both because the lights inside the shed are kinda shitty and also because our old school safety glasses fogged up to the point it looked like we were trying to work in Silent Hill.**

I also became intimately aware that when your hands stop that burning feeling and go kinda numb, you can't really use them for things anymore. Which you would think would be a no brainier, except that I kept trying to use them for things because my brain refuse to believe in the cold. Also if you are wondering why I wasn't wearing good gloves, I was wearing good gloves. Carhart super insulated outdoor work gloves. And they still let me down. Even if I refused to acknowledge it.

Which is also how I dropped four eggs on the floor this afternoon.


We got it done and sanded it down and it...actually looks like a tire spoon. Which is kinda amazing if you think about it.

Also dust masks? Itchy. As. Hell.

Now if you excuse me I have to go drink hooch because the past two days I have been the coldest in the history of ever and I think I need alcohol to fix it. It's like remember all those failed invasions of Russia in the wintertime? New appreciation for that.

*This is a lie.

** This was a horror game that took place in a town that was always foggy. It was also a movie but I pretend it wasn't because the movie was pretty goddamned bad.


  1. Really, it could have been 5 eggs, so all in all, a success?

  2. I laugh at your trials because you write them with such humor even though I know that I should feel bad for you. I'm sorry. I wish I was a better person. But I did learn a very valuable lesson from you today. I need a forge. I need one desperately. As soon as I get me some land the very first thing I plan to do is build a forge.

  3. I can't help but wonder if a Shopsmith might have been useful in the making of the tire spoon? ;)

    What you're doing looks right to me.

    1. Thank god it looks right to someone. I think I am stuck on the failure train.

  4. Cool hat, and I remember Silent Hill. I didn't ever play it, but my kids did back before I booted the Playstation out of my living room.

    You may not have won against that tire yet, but I have no doubts you will.

  5. I feel your pain. I feel your frustration. I feel your freezing-ass cold. Of course, I feel all of this in spirit, since I'm currently in a short sleeve shirt on a warm California day, enjoying a cupcake and a glass of milk. But still, I'm WITH you -- in spirit! --Darcy at