Friday, March 2, 2012

So I May Have Bought a Haunted Painting

Okay. So I may have bought a haunted painting. Now I don't mean haunted in the sense that this painting is home to an angry ghost. I mean that I think the painting may be a magical door way to another world. I mean, well, look at it.

When I saw it, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was an arresting sight. It was like I wasn't just looking at a painting, but that I was looking into another world. You know how there's that scene in movies when the main charter sees the magical item in the thrift store and then the wind kicks up and the music does something that is both happy and ominous at the same time? Yeah that kind of happened.

So I bought the painting for 75 bucks. Then I had a minor panic attack because spending 75 dollars on something I want makes me feel like a failure at life for some reason.

It was about then that I realized that, well this was a big painting. It's about 2.5ft tall. The only place in the car it would fit was wedging it behind the seats where the ice scraper tried to defile it and I had to manually separate the two. On the drive home I kept twisting around in the car to look at the damn thing, like at any moment something was going to happen. I don't know what. But something. So I get the thing home and prop it up in my office while I try to look up the artist online. Which fails magnificently since I am fairly sure that this was painted BI (Before Internet*.)

Deciding that the best thing to do would be to mount it on the wall at this point because it's clearly not getting anymore magical sitting there on the floor. So I do my thing and mount it up on the wall. At this point something dawns on me.

It's right above my PS3.

You know that bit from the Narnia chronicles Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Edmund and Lucy see the painting of the ship in their aunt's house and think it looks like a Narnian ship and then the painting comes to life and floods the room? Yeah.

You see any insignia on that ship? You see any indication that this ship is from our world? Because I sure as hell don't. Why did I buy a possibly haunted painting and then hang it above one of my most valuable possessions? I don't fucking know. Why do I do these things to myself? Why am I asking so many motherfucking questions?

What's weird is that I don't like to have my back to it. Except my desk faces away from the painting and now I have to keep twisting around to check on it. Which I guess is bad planning on my part.

If I stop posting after this and you never hear from me again and it's like a just just dropped off the face of the world- the painting got me.

Avenge me.

* The painting is oil, and as far as the store guy knew, about 15 years old. It is signed Jackson in the lower right corner. I tired using Google image match to find the painting, but nothing came up. There were some really close look a likes, but nothing that matched. (Looking at the angle the ship was leaning was the fasted way to tell if the paintings were the same.) So in the off chance that anybody knows anything, let me know. Preferably before the painting goes all crazy pants and I wind up trapped in it somehow.


  1. I know what you mean, feeling failure for spending money just on yourself. I get that too. Which is crazy. Cause I live alone...who else should I spend money on?

    And I love that you don't like having your back to it. haha. Always have an easy escape-route planned!

  2. What I don't understand is why you don't seem to *want* to enter the magical realm of a haunted painting.

    You could be a pirate captain.

    1. You know, I would love to be a pirate captain. :) Buuut I don't think I can miss work for that long. The real issue though is that I'm not sure it leads to somewhere like Narnia. What if it goes all Pan's Labyrinth on my ass?

      Either way I think my husband would have some questions.