Sunday, May 6, 2012

Chainsaws and No Adult Supervision.

After digging all of the murderous angry fence post holes, it was time for everybody's favorite part- getting the fence posts. This involves grabbing the chainsaws, starting up the truck and driving into the back part of our thirty acres to cut them down like goddamned lumber jacks.

Awesome Lumber jacks.

Let me state right now, right here, that chainsaws are the shit, you guys. We took down trees like beavers that had been on steroids for a number of years and had just snorted their very first line of cocaine. The chainsaw was all like, oh you don't want this tree here anymore? SHAPOW! It's gone. Oh you need these branches cut off? SHABLAM! It was like if old timey lumberjacks had suddenly been given a god mode.

So we took the posts up to the garden, after nearly loosing a few of them off the back of the truck because nothing can ever be easy, treated the bottoms and placed them in the holes. That was the easy part. Because next we had to level them and tamp the dirt the dirt back down.

How do you tamp the dirt back down?

If you guess drag out the stupid heavy motherfucking pry bar and use the blunt end to repeatedly hammer the earth with my blistered hands you would be right!

Also Mr. Sun decided he was no longer going to pussyfoot around here anymore and that's pretty much how I got sunburn. Oh and before you go on about how I should have been wearing sunscreen, I was wearing sunscreen. And I reapplied it every two hours. It's just that I have the same skin as Edward Cullen except instead of sparkling I just loose all ability to repel sunlight. Which is to say, not like Edward Cullen at all because I am a real vampire.

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, the garden. Anyway we also placed the top rail on the opposite side where we had already gotten the posts up and the wire on. We just used zip ties to attach the wire, which I'm hoping won't come back to bite us in the ass because I have no idea how much outside/weather/sunlight a zip tie can take before it dies. Which probably means that the zip ties are vampires too.

In fact we were so productive we decided to bridge the drainage ditch that lead to the chicken coup.

Bridge it with chainsaws that is.

Okay first we took some old wood that used to be hideous planter thing and placed it down across the ditch to form the framework, followed by us scrounging for boards to lay across it to walk on. We screwed them down and surveyed our work. But there was a problem. The boards were all different lengths. How did we solve this problem?

If you guessed using the goddamned chainsaws instead of walking all the way across the lawn to the tool shed and dragging out a more appropriate tool, you'd be right!

Which is why we probably shouldn't be allowed to use chainsaws without an adult present.

But that bridge looks damn sweet you guys.

Damn Sweet.


  1. You're just so ambitious doing things i know about that it's awesome!

    If we make posts here, after we cut them to length, we strip all the back and soak the whole post in a treatement solution for a week or so. Otherwise they rot and fall over in a year or so. I hope you have different soil there, or better trees.

    ........and yes, chainsaws ARE the shit! Take care of that burn. :)

    1. Well, if all the posts fall over we will call it a "learning experience."

  2. I can only hope to reach your level of awesomeness. I have to tell you, I'm feeling a kinship with you, now that I'm out in the country...sort of. There are other houses on the road, but no blocks because it's hilly and country. And instead of 25 acres we're on 3, but whenever I'm outside doing something for my dad that makes my back hurt, I think "Queen Holly the Magnificent would be done by now!"

    ...I think my dad is going to teach me to use the chain saw. Any day now.

  3. I feel like we may be kin, you and I of the vampire complexion. Also - Chainsaw Wielding Vampires? Awesome name for a band.