So I got up and staggered outside to feed all of my wonderful animals, just like every morning. It was a beautiful morning, with the cold rain of last night laying on the grass and tuning to mist in the first few tentative rays of the sun. The air was as clean and pure as it must have been in the beginning of the world. It was magical.
That should have been my first clue that things were about to go all shitastic.
Well, I went back inside to my digital world, where I intended to do what I do every morning, read blogs. I pulled up the first blog and that's when I was treated to my first error message of the day. “Display driver has stopped working but has recovered*.” In fact it had recovered so hard that it shut my computer down. Well then. So I moved over to my laptop and slapped up the post. Which went fine until I tried to upload a picture. And the upload window never appeared.
Okay. I'll just use my PC. Which by this time, had recovered. So I saved the post as a draft and brought it up on the PC where the upload window promptly appeared. Yay! So I went to upload the picture with my shitty satellite Internet, when you guessed it, the display driver died a horrible death while I watched the little blue bar on my photo creep within millimeters of being done right before my screen went black.
It was probably a good thing Scott was off doing his morning exercises because I may have blanked out and rage murdered the first living thing I came across.
So. Back to the laptop. Opened draft, opened photo uploader, and watched as every single attempt failed because it 'lost connection to the server.' I tried over ten times to get a photo to upload. One photo. Fuck. So then I had to fix the PC, because it has a hard connection to my motherfuckingly slow ass goddamned internet.
Which meant I had to fix the PC. Now how I fix the display driver error is I have to go in and manually delete the update, even though I told windows it was not allowed to update without my permission. Which it apparently ignored and then I lost my shit and I told it that windows was never allowed to update again and then it told me that was a bad idea and I called it a whore. Because do you know how hard it is to sift through all those motherfucking updates? It's like the movie Jurassic Park where they contemplate going in and looking at the computers lines of code one by one.
Yeah. So I did that. I sifted through a million identical updates, all named shit like KB95567 when I am looking for something like KB95827. And then I deleted that bitch. And it felt damn good.
And now my PC works again.
But wait we are not done! The photos must be updated!
So I crawled back to Blogger, pulled open the draft folder and brought up the upload window. I then was treated to what I can only describe as a knock down drag out between my slow ass internet and Bloggers uploader. The progress bar would climb all the way up within centimeters of being done, only to fall back down to zero, only to claw it's way hand over hand back up to almost 100%. This happened at least five times before it finally uploaded. I did this for two whole pictures. And yes, I did reduce the file size before uploading.
So let me recap. I got to the computer at 8:27am. I finished uploading the last picture at 10:30am. It took me two hours to post one blog entry with two pictures. Two. Fucking. Hours.
You have no idea how much restraint it is taking not to just type motherfucker over and over again.
I am just going to stop typing now.
It's probably better that way.
* I get this problem from time to time. It is caused by windows downloading some bullshit update that I then have to go in and manually delete. Ha ha. Cause life is so much fun!