You might remember my previous entry about removing invasive species from my land. Specifically, mutiflora rose, and bush honeysuckle.
|Here is three giant bushes in a row, oh boy lucky me.|
I cannot began to describe the horror that is tearing down this plant. First of all, you have to cut the whole thing and move the whole thing as one unit because all the little thorns have stuck this plant together like Velcro. If Velcro was out to get you that is.
This is how it went down. First I would cut a hole into the side of the bush and then I would began to cut each think woody stem off at the base. Now, with bush honeysuckle, each limb could be drug away to the collection pile individuality. With multiflora rose, each limb would lock together in an evil tangly mass. I wanted to remove the whole plant and chipper shred the damn thing so that meant I had to drag each limb to the nearest road. Which meant that the plant had time to fuck my shit up.
I would optimistically grab a branch at it's very base, where there were no thorns, and give a yank. In a perfect world, this would either pull the branch free, or allow me to tow the whole bush along to the pile. In this world however, all that happened was that I would cause the remaining bush to sway wildly. Which, if you were me, meant you had an angry bush swinging wildly at you, trying to grab a handful of hair or claw at your face because apparently roses fight like drunk party girls.
Also, to add to pain, the thorns had a way of sneaking around my gloves or worse yet, falling down into my shoe and getting lodged in my sock. By the end of the day I looked like I had tried to wrestle a cougar.
Have you ever walked in the door and been afraid to look in the mirror because you are afraid that your land has cut up your face? No. Just me?
Luckily my face had escaped unscathed somehow. Mainly because I was not looking forward to trying to explain to my clients and coworkers why I looked like Freddie Krueger had found me in my sleep. I am also fairly sure that telling them the monster under the bed did it would not have been worth the looks on their faces because I need to keep my job in order to pay for things.
Which is exactly why I can't be trusted with this kind of injury.
Jebus. Okay, idiot suburban thought, but could you chainsaw the fracking things? no?ReplyDelete
Yes, and some of the bigger bushes you have to, but you still have the same problem of having to get close to the plant. And no it's not an idiot thought at all, chainsaws improve just about any project.Delete
Here's the thought that came to me while reading this. Why not just burn them down? I know there must be reasons why you can't - because I'm pretty sure you're not a masochist - however, it sure would make for an easy solution!ReplyDelete
Dealing with regular rose bushes is bad enough. But ones that fight like drunk party girls? I feel your pain. Who was the idiot who invented plants with thorns anyhow?ReplyDelete
I have a rose bush in the yard that needs to be gotten rid of. I'm planning to wrap a chain around it and yank it out with the loader.......cause i'm lazy that way.ReplyDelete
I tried to wrestle a cougar once but my wife wouldn't let me anywhere near her. :)
Ha! Yeah, I wish we could have dug them up with the backhoe, but they always seem to be in the wrong locations to make that easy.Delete
I have many multiflora rose bushes on my property and I've been dreading dealing with them. My fears have been confirmed. I see drunk party girls in my future.ReplyDelete
You really need to invest in a flamethrower.ReplyDelete